Our old friend Jeremy Clymer stops by the studio to rap about mechanically separated foodstuffs, Bang Cop, and homosexual subcultures.

Part 2 of our pledge drive has arrived for your listening pleasure. Or, more probably, disgust. It’s a journey down the rabbit hole of excess and indulgence that will leave you trembling with shame and remorse. Take a trip with us, won’t you, into the deepest black of the abyss? (Part 2 of a special 2 part episode.)

Audio Assault is in trouble, and we need money. So in the spirit of us all being in this goddamn thing together, we put on a special show, a pledge drive. We really need this to work in order to ensure the survival of Audio Assault, so please – for the next hour, keep your pocketbook next to your barf bag. You’ll be wanting them both in equal measure!

Following up their most acclaimed episode yet, Joe and Os sit down with former cohost Jere Pilapil to rap about relationships, whistling, and Chris Benoit. It’s an epic installment jam-packed with uncomfortable truths, awkward silences, and jokes about dildos.

Joe Gibson had to bow out of this episode due to scheduling conflicts, but the man taking his place is none other than Audio Assault’s original prodigal son Jeremy fucking Clymer. This guy is a legend, for those of you who aren’t old enough to remember, and we’ve been waiting a long time for him to make another appearance. Everything is just so much beef under the bridge as we discuss the Netflix thing, a moral quandary thing, the Criterion thing, and then some other things. It’s good; you’ll enjoy it.

It’s the season finale of Audio Assault Season 3, so we threw away the playbook and came up with something fresh: an old timey radio play about a gang of cat thieves planning their last big score before retirement. Special thanks to Cameron McBride, Jim Connelly, and Phil “The Worm Angel” for their services as foley artists. And sorry to the cast, who didn’t get paid – we just dumped our entire budget into a Facebook ad.

It’s the penultimate episode of Audio Assault’s groundbreaking, majestic, incomparable third season, and we’ve got a doozy: we watch the throne(s), we discuss the finer points of Robocop, and then we take a trip to the water park. Everybody gets a boner. Also: Joe had a missed connection at the library.

It’s a slight comedown from the all-time high of last week’s glory, but our new episode offers its own distinctive pleasures: Joe Gibson is out, spending some much-needed quality time with his sister, so show friend Tim Horna steps in, rolls up his sleeves, and immediately pronounces Bryan Cranston “a horrible TV actor.” Oswald and Jere fire back, but can they defeat Tim Horna in time? Spoiler alert: they do, and the conversation moves on to Donnie Darko. We also rap about Pitchfork, Jere’s trip to Chicago, and the Odd Future think piece jokes that simply won’t die. What else could it be, but Audio Assault? Were it anything else, it wouldn’t smell like this. Pull up your pants and lean back, fuckers! It’s a new dance I just made up.

Oswald, Jere, and Joe gather once again inside the Coffin Weed Studios to gab it out. What fat did they chew this week? Wal Mart’s unfair hiring practices, what jokes are appropriate to make at a dead junkie’s funeral, and Joe’s ridiculous anti-smoker prejudice. They shoulda called this show 2 Chill Bros and a Fuddy Duddy, but they didn’t. They called it Audio Assault.

Twitter is fun and easy, bro. It’s far better than Facebook or MySpace because it’s super-interactive and you don’t have to listen to the details of anyone’s pathetic life story.

Our resident radio scientist, Oswald Hobbes IV, presents the results of a decade’s worth of research in handy list form.

Mr. 51% and I were considering running a promo at our live events where we’d give you a shirt half off if you gave us your shitty Ed Hardy shirt that you paid too much for and put on our shirt instead… This video sums up my feelings on Ed Hardy. (and Affliction for that matter)

I almost quit the idea of starting my own clothing line altogether when I first started out because I literally didn’t know what to design. What could I put on my t-shirts? No one likes a shirt with just a logo on it–unless you’re Nike. I didn’t like semi-offensive parody shirts. I couldn’t use band names. I couldn’t afford any sort of licensing to use comic book superheroes. Essentially I was left with NOTHING.

A friend sent me this link today which contained a funny comic with an interesting take on religion, and the absence of religion, and devout irrational beliefs when it comes to religion.

If you’re anything like me, you don’t like Mondays….or any weekday for that matter. In honor of this super crappy day, I want to share the following video with you (along with some play by play highlights by yours truly).

Every so often, Assault receives an overseas order from some obscure country that always seems just a little bit… off. We get plenty of international orders and are happy to ship our shirts to different countries, but every once in awhile we simply cannot ship to a certain address because it is a PO box [...]

One of my daily reads is a blog called Stuff White People Like. The sarcastic banter is subtle to the point where your everyday web surfer may skip right over and miss the absolute genius in their posts. Specifically the post that I decided to blog about is post #84: T-Shirts. It touches upon all [...]

I came across this very well done spoof video of the Dove Evolution video that became so viral some time ago. It’s a humorous jab at the Dove video and carries a very interesting message that, “no one wants to look at ugly people”. I don’t know about you, but they basically seem to have [...]

During my daily rounds of the t-shirt blogs I came upon this gem of a link from theTShirtblog.com called Priceless T-Shirts from Google images. It’s a definite all@assaultshirts.com internal memo. Here’s one of my favorites: