Today, Audio Assault becomes everything, all encompassing, massive: from technology to music to pure beauty, we’re riding a new frequency. Can you hear it? If you hear it, do you dig it?

After almost three years of boners and unicorns the “After Party” Timmyblog and Mr 51% are changing up the game with our business cycle from that of a hap-hazardly organized shit storm into a well-oiled mechanized shit storm. From here on out, we’ll ease off the socio-politically charged shirt themes into themes more… party-friendly.

We’re giving you (+your mom) the business

• 5 shirts
• 50 prints of each
• 250 total shirts
• 1 mix CD full of great music from around the world, but mostly from Chicago
• Free Shipping
• …and when they’re gone, they are gone.

Shirt prices have gone up a bit–we get it, but we’re not gonna Ticketmaster your ass and upcharge you with convenience fees and shipping fees, nor will we Ed Hardy your ass with a ridiculous price of $75 per douche. Instead, we’re only going to ship it to you for free, and guarantee you that you will be 1/50 people who have this shirt, and a sweet mix tape of bands you’ve never heard of before. (More on that below) For now here’s the five shirt designs we’re starting our pre-sale for the official Assault ONE, Gangland Chicago. Orders ship in approximately 3 weeks time!

Buy any of these shirts at our online store now!

If Indiana Jones, James Dean, and Robert Mitchum were genetically combined into a massive, tommy gun-weilding zombie gangster destroyer, and said gangster destroyer was caught on camera and then that image was depicted in a Caravaggio-esque rendered oil painting onto a t-shirt it would resemble this masterpiece we have here.

In these days, it's kill or be killed.... And unfortunately if you're a zombie gangster like this cat there's no way you can operate a tommy gun. At least that's what we think Max Brooks would have to say. The only thing you know is bwainzzzz!!!!!

This shirt design was inspired by the stark black and whites and striking singular use of red famously exemplified by Frank Miller.

The main centerpiece and backdrop for this shirt is a historical map of the city of Chicago right around the heart of prohibition. Overlayed on top of the map, (along with a repetitive line of g-men) you may recognize several prominent historical buildings from the Chicago skyline. The shirt also includes the classic non-douche flare that our previous uberfans will recognize as splats and secret hidden messages and text!

Al Capone meets powder puff girls... and wins. I guess you could say they were, cap-owned? #treated. This t-shirt was designed by our resident deranged cartoon chick, Candice Ciesla. Find more of her work, (or better yet hire her) at her website, http:/www.candiceciesla.cc

Assault ONE, Mix Tape

We love music at Assault.it. We love it so much, in fact, that we rounded up a bunch of our favorite (mostly) local bands and asked them to contribute tracks that we could distribute to our customers and friends. And that’s how the official Assault Mix Tape was born! We’ve been handing them out at street festivals all summer and passing them along to anybody who will talk to us on Twitter, and the reaction has been nothing short of fantasticomical. (So fantastic, in other words, that it’s downright comical.)

Among the bands you’ll find: Direct Hit!, The Scissors, Geronimo!, Kid, You’ll Move Mountains, Makeshift Prodigy, Stegosaur, The Maybenauts, The Fireship, The Action Blast, Midwest Hype, Man The Change, Trippy Wicked, Vagina Panther – and oh so many more. Surely this is a mix to be reckoned with, only by a fool – you do not want to “step up” to this mix, in 3D or otherwise. It’s a rocket ride to the heart of rock ‘n’ roll, with very few stops along the way. Two bathroom breaks. Maybe a falafel run. But that’s it! Otherwise, you’re strapped in, you’re flying, and things are exploding at the edge of your vision. At certain points it might seem that the ship was built too quickly and cheaply, and a few pieces may fly off. But you will certainly reach your destination, which is rawk enlightenment, and that’s the important part.

Would you like a taste of our rock sauce?

Full Band List

• Direct Hit!
• The Scissors
• The Action Blast
• The Fireship
• A Common Year
• The Young International
• Cavashawn
• The Delivery Boys
• Onasis
• Artifex Pereo
• Makeshift Prodigy
• Vayden
• Trippy Wicked
• Vagina Panther
• Man The Change
• Geronimo!
• Kid, You’ll Move Mountains
• Stegosaur
• Maybenauts
• Midwest Hype

And if you’ve made it this far now you get to read our dude(or douche)-tastic press release!

CHICAGO-BASED CLOTHING COMPANY RELEASES LIMTED EDITION LINE OF “1930s GANGLAND CHICAGO” THEMED ROCKER T-SHIRTS

Chicago, IL – Assault.it, a Chicago based website will release a limited-run t-shirt collection featuring a “1930s era Chicago,” theme as inspired by prohibition era gangland Chicago.  Only fifty of each style shirt will be printed, currently available for presale online, and once they’re gone…they’re gone! You can also choose from a select amount other designs for sale on their online store with prices ranging from $16.99-$22.99.

Assault’s t-shirt store, just one facet of its e-zine site (Assault.it), also gives buyers a complimentary mix tape with each t-shirt purchased.  Inspired by local music in Chicago and across the globe, the designers have found inspiration through these channels and hand-picked original music from the best emerging local artists in their favorite music scenes to include on the Official Assault Mix Tape.

“We love music at Assault.it. We love it so much, in fact, that we rounded up a bunch of our favorite local bands and asked them to contribute tracks that we could distribute to our customers and friends,” says Tim Toomey, founder and web/merchandising designer of Assault.it. Among their favorite bands featured on the Mix Tape include Direct Hit!, The Scissors, Geronimo!, Kid, You’ll Move Mountains, Makeshift Prodigy, Stegosaur, The Maybenauts, and The Fireship, among many others.

This past year Assult.it took to the local music festivals and social media channels to sample the tapes to young Chicagoans with a similar appreciation of music throughout the city.   “The reaction has been nothing short of fantasticomical. (So fantastic, in other words, that it’s downright comical.) Surely this is a mix to be reckoned with, only by a fool – you do not want to ‘step up’ to this mix, in 3D or otherwise. It’s a rocket ride to the heart of rock ‘n’ roll, with very few stops along the way. Two bathroom breaks. Maybe a falafel run. But that’s it! Otherwise, you’re strapped in, you’re flying, and things are exploding at the edge of your vision. At certain points it might seem that the ship was built too quickly and cheaply, and a few pieces may fly off. But you will certainly reach your destination, which is raw enlightenment, and that’s the important part,” says Editor-In-Chief of Assault.it Oswald Hobbes.

Would you like a taste of our rock sauce?

About Assault.it:

Assault.it was started in February of 2008 when Craig Kaplowitz and Tim Toomey decided they had been working for The Man just too damn long and it was time to be their own bosses. The only way they knew how to do it was to take randomly funny semi-offensive slogans and to slap them onto the finest American made t-shirts they could find.

Assault.it was started initially to supplement our online store documenting our day to day activities, but has since surpassed our store to become a full fledged, online resource for bands, designers, and clothing enthusiasts.

Nobody's slave.

In this episode of Audio Assault: Clymer tells a true story from his unexpectedly exciting life; Nas asserts his freedom from the shackles of a recording contract; Tim and Clymer dramatically re-enact an email argument about Bob Dylan; the Liking Stuff Danger Zone, in which love eventually turns to regret; and everybody giggles.

Show Music

• B.o.B. Feat. Rivers Cuomo – “Magic”
• David Bowie – “Heroes”
• Cobra Skulls – “Thicker Than Water”

Another episode of crushing insight where we cover the Vampire Diaries, Wall Street 2, The Social Network, cats farting, NPR, Asthmatic Kitty and the Sufjan Stevens album, the danger zone bit. Madmen. Saving Private Ryan, Pixar movies, Dear Zachary, when Twitter was overtaken by Dave Coulier jokes. The end of You Me and Dupree, The Used, Harry Potter, Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight, Tonight, The Funny People, and Lord of the Rings.

Picks of the Week

• “The After-Party” Timmy: Gardettos deli mustard pretzels and cheap red wine, Enemy of the World (Special Edition) – Four Year Strong
• Oswald: Wilderness Heart (Bonus Track Version) – Black Mountain, Breaking Bad, Season 1 – Breaking Bad
• Jere: box set of Stiff Records singles, Veronica Mars, Season 1 – Veronica Mars, Community, Season 1 – Community
• Clymer: Barking (Deluxe Version) – Underworld, Black Orpheus

Dicks of the Week

• “The After-Party” Timmy: Mike from Total Assault
• Oswald: John McCain
• Jere: NBC
• Clymer: the dick head teacher

Alternate Show Titles

• The apex of greed and human degradation
• Greed is legal
• I cried before I killed the hooker, not after
• The boobs were blurred
• It’s Just Like Any RPG

Show Music

• Armageddon Theme Song
• Hillary Duff – Let The Rain Fall Down
• Explosions In the Sky – Glittering Blackness

When: Starting Tuesday, June 22 until  June 29 at midnight
Where: Twitter!

In honor of the new deluxe reissue of the Rolling Stones’ scuzz-rock classic Exile On Main Street (which we reviewed here), we are giving away a bundle of Stones discs. What you’ll get: Exile on Main Street Remastered, Sticky Fingers, Some Girls, and Jump Back (Best Of). As my grandfather used to say, that’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick! (These are all fine records, but I’m definitely a Some Girls man. People who don’t like that record just flat-out don’t enjoy life.) For a little taste of what you can expect, check out this video for “Follow The River,” one of the b-sides bundled with the Exile remaster:

To enter:

1. Follow us on Twitter @assault
2. Tweet the message “Rolling Stones CD bundle giveaway! http://bit.ly/bAXT8G RT and Follow @assault To Enter!“
3. That’s it!

Already a follower? Just click the button below to have the Twitter message posted to your twitter account.

The Fine Print

On Tuesday (6/29/10), 1 winner will be chosen at random, and will receive the Rolling Stones CDs! Winner will be notified via Twitter, so keep checking your accounts to see if you’ve won! In order to be a winner you must be following us, and tweet the above message exactly as is. US residents only!

Buy Exile On Main Street from Amazon
Buy Exile On Main Street from iTunes

We’ve been lucky enough to commandeer a few copies of the limited-edition 7″ that Editors released for this year’s Record Store Day that we’ve decided to give away to one of our Twitter followers! (We’ve also got their new video for “Eat Raw Meat Blood Drool,” which, if you just scroll down a bit, you can enjoy. No charge or anything. You’re welcome.)

When: Starting Wednesday, May 6th,  until May 13th at Midnight

Where: Twitter!

To enter:

1. Follow us on Twitter @assault
2. Tweet the message “Editors 7″ Giveaway just for retweeting! Go to http://bit.ly/9Zinld and follow @assault to enter!“
3. That’s it!

Already a follower?

“Eat Raw Meat Blood Drool”:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T6GhYdwI7g

The Fine Print

On Thursday (5/13/10), 2 winners will be chosen at random to receive seven sweet inches of pure Editors magic! Winners will be notified via Twitter, so keep checking your accounts to see if you’ve won! In order to be a winner you must be following us, and tweet the above message exactly as is.

This contest is only available to people in the United States who follow us on twitter.

Editors:

• Official Site
• MySpace
• Last.fm

Our clothing line has entered into round two of TeeMadness! We’re in a neck and neck race with another clothing company, and we need your help to advance to the next round! It only takes one second to vote, and two clicks!

All you have to do is click on this link, and then click on the green button next to our name which I have spot shadowed for you. Please help us avoid an EMBARRASSING second round elimination, and we’ll high five everyone and do everyone’s laundry. Mr. 51% has also been so kind to volunteer his singing talents via voicemail to anyone who can prove they voted for us, and told their friends.

Today, we have a special treat for our readers: you can stream the new You Me At Six album, Hold Me Down, for free, right here. Yes, you heard correctly: it’s free. So click the little mp3-player there and start jamming. And then buy Hold Me Down so you can hear it the way it’s supposed to sound.

So we like molotov cocktails, and fire

After a night of mildly drunken tom-foolery not so long ago, we decided it would be interesting to aimlessly throw around some  molotov cocktails in an uninhabited neighborhood under the supervision of professionals–fun for the whole family.

During our crusade, we discovered two things: 1) how exciting  it is to pretend you’re an anarchic gangster, and 2)  it would be awesome to be Indiana Jones. But, with those two dreams hopelessly removed from the reality of our day to day struggles as t-shirt shop owners, we thought it’d be fun to set some of our inventory on fire in true pyro fashion. So we bring to you a rescue mission of sorts: while we don’t want to set our prized shirts on fire  – they were made in America, after all – we just can’t help ourselves.

If you think you’d like to rescue one of these shirts from being put down like a stray dog having a real bad day at the animal shelter, then you should head over to our store and buy one  (or two, or three) before we go all twelve-year-old-with-a-magnifying-glass on this shit. Please, rescue one of our fledgling t-shirt orphans in true liberal style. Have at it thou mangled boil-brained pigeon-egg!

Go to the store to get shirts for $15.99 that we’re never selling again

Most techies LOVE Google. They’ve taken on Microsoft, flipped the bird to Apple, and given away superior service for F-R-E-E. (With the exception of premium level Google Apps and a few other things.) On the other hand, most hardcore techies who were around to see Microsoft rise to the top, albeit illegally at times, will agree with me and say that Google’s slogan isn’t just a pile of regular shit, but full on bullshit. (I believe I’m paraphrasing Steve Jobs when I say that.)

That’s not to say that Google doesn’t have awesome stuff. I love the search, Gmail, analytics, and many of their other services, but when it comes to cloud computing, and storing ALL of our search data — and I do mean all of i t– Google has an ulterior motive. They leave the public completely in the dark about their snafus. Until just recently, Google had openly censored search because China just didn’t like the truth about their dark history to get out. So much for not being evil.

What does this have to do with Assault.it? You may have heard that as of about 16 hours ago Google decided to shut down several popular music blogs on their blogger and blogspot services. It’s understandable that Google would take down sites violating their terms of service, and they should do so. The only thing that is most surprising about the move is that no notice was given, and there was no opportunity for the site owners to backup their sites and old data. That’s years and years of archived work down the shitter.

Google’s response to the ordeal was basically, “Sowwy! Thanks for your cooperation!”Now it’s easy for everyone to love Google and not ask questions because of the quality of service they offer, but when we start trusting our network infrastructure to them, and trusting them with masses of search data, and with our cellular phones, and with our social networking, and email, and friendships, and ad services, well you can see where this starts to look less like a vague conspiracy theory and more like complete and total control of everything you do online.

One mention that I didn’t see from any of the posts about yesterdays, “musicblogocide 2010″ is that Google has started including Lala playlists directly in search results. I’m not entirely sure, but I have to believe that they are getting some sort of money out of having those songs indexed directly by the search engine.

Did no one make the connection between these sites offering mp3s and Google’s recent decision to include the ability to buy songs through their search? (Most of the mp3s were promotional, aka completely legal mp3s.) One would think that if they’re willing to put their commission on Lala music sales ahead of their hosted blogging platforms then why wouldn’t they remove Assault.it from their search directory because we’ve now posted a negative dissenting opinion about them? If we decided to turn Assault into an online mp3 download service who’s to say they wouldn’t revoke our Ad Sense account because we’ve gone in direct competition with them?

The one quote that makes the most sense to me in the article:

Decouflet sounds weary. “Google is treating bloggers like Big Brother,” he said. “Shoot first, ask questions after.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself, and I’m not the only one saying, “Fuck You” to Google.

My advice: get off of Blogger and Blogspot

That’s right, download and install WordPress on a hosting account that you pay $20 bucks for a month like Media Temple, or Host Gator and import your old Blogger and Blogspot posts–Wordpress does all of the above–it’s free and easy. That’s my advice to sites like Gorilla vs. Bear and anyone else still on hosted Google blogging platforms.

Two years ago we launched with a small t-shirt store, (We only had 12 shirts) and virtually no clue what we were doing. Two years later and we’ve become a full fledged design/music/apparel resource with 30 products sold to every state in the US and 20+ countries.

It’s been great, and we wanted to say thanks by giving 25% off on everything in our store as well as free shipping on everything. No discount codes needed–and please share this with your friends and family, especially if they’ve been wanting to order shirts from us for awhile. (We’re sold out of alot of stuff quite often.)

Here’s to another two years–hopefully by then we’ll have our retail store in Chicago, a thriving video podcast of some sort, and millions of dollars and a stripper pole in our corporate offices.

Thanks to everyone who have helped us over the last two years

• Lex and Terry Morning Radio Network
• Phil and everyone at Woot!
• The Kaplowitz Family
• The Toomey Family
• Adam Hendle, and Beau from IATT.tv and IAmTheTrend.com
• Oswald Hobbes who makes me laugh and inspires me every day
• Tubbs! + future baby
• Dasimator (@quornball)
• Andy from Hide Your Arms
• ShirtsOnSale
• All the bands we sponsor and are friends/fans of (Dear Enemy, A Hero Named Hope, From The Broken, Seven Day Sonnet, The Swellers, Alkaline Trio, Rise Against, Invisible Gods, Trippy Wicked, Puddle of Mudd, The Delivery Boys, Motion City Soundtrack, Paramore, Radiofix, Direct Hit!, Anna Vogelzang, The Action Blast, The Fold and many many others)
• JumboG
• EddieFTW
• Rich Bellamy
• Ron Guerin
• Peter (Slashfilm) and Neil (Film School Rejects)
• The Emptees community
• Jud & the lovely Marietta from ShirtFight
• The guys from Cameesa
• Nick & Jon from Storenvy
• Chris Martin + Merchspin
• Jon Kruse from Shred
• Dane, Scott, Dennis – Photographers and professionally good looking male models extraordinaire
• John Staniforth, Fernando Rodriguez, & Candice Ciesla for their incredible design work
• Martin Atkins
• Chad Lehner + everyone at Total Assault

Help us spread the word!

Paste this code into your site to put our flyer in there (We know it’s large, that’s why we made 3 sizes!)

Large:

<p style=”text-align: center;”><a href=”http://www.assaultshirts.com” target=”_blank”><img title=”February Sale at Assault Shirts” src=”http://www.assault.it/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/february-sale.jpg” alt=”February Sale at Assault Shirts” width=”705″ height=”912″ /></a></p>

Smaller:

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I know it’s hard to believe, but sometimes even super-talented and well-compensated bloggers like Oswald Hobbes get the blues. I was down in the dumps the other day and Third World Timmy suggested I write up a list of guaranteed mood-boosters. These songs are wiener-tinglers; they are what hipsters actually mean when they use the word “banger” while pretending to discuss old Dr. Dre records. If you have questions about my “scientific” method, punch yourself in the forehead -- I’m a fucking scientist. Who are you?

10. The Flaming Lips -- “Race For The Prize“

Figured I’d start this list with a song that’s actually about scientists. “Race For The Prize” kicks off The Soft Bulletin, the record that found the Lips turning the corner from weirdo, borderline-nihilistic psychedelia to wonderfully earnest optimism bombs. That description makes me sound retarded, which is how you’ll feel when you listen to this song (provided your definition of “retarded” entails unbridled joy and hope).

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qptwJ9wrQnI

9. Pixies -- “Dig For Fire“

This song is ostensibly about two (apparently unrelated) old people; one kneels inside of a hole, the other never sleeps. Black Francis asks each if they are “looking for the mother lode.” But they are both digging for fire. This sounds nonsensical and kind of stupid, but the dulcet melody and typically punchy instrumentation provide all the reason you could possibly require.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2dBsBW9yjY

8. Iron Maiden -- “The Number Of The Beast“

Were you aware that sometimes ridiculously goofy metal songs are inspired by the second installment of the Omen franchise? “The Number Of The Beast” is proof. It boasts the kind of title that makes twelve year-olds think Iron Maiden is a legitimately frightening band and the (ahem) ridiculous goofiness that forever disabuses them of that notion once they get old enough to purchase one of the band’s albums.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSPirTVKm9U

7. Kanye West (feat. Cam’Ron and Consequence) -- “Gone“

A remnant from Mr. West’s glory days. Remember when he specialized in good-time jams with rich and subtle undertones of melancholy instead of just expressing his misery through Auto-Tune and outdated drum machines? You should, because it was only a couple years ago. And it was great. ‘Ye gives himself two (!) excellent verses, the second even better than the first because it name-drops Jennifer Aniston and Anakin Skywalker. Cam’Ron talks his trademark surreal shit, the stuff that makes you think maybe his rhyme books got dropped from a passing spaceship, and Consequence almost steals the entire song with a truly astonishing verse that keeps cycling back to the titular word without sounding forced or desperate at any time. And because West-in-his-prime never settled for “merely excellent” when he could easily blow great gobs of mind-mass straight out the back of your skull, the song integrates some lush strings from Jon Brion (!!) when the beat briefly drops out.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc65hFCls8E

6. Spoon -- “I Turn My Camera On“

A lot of people want to be Prince; Britt Daniels (a lanky white dude who resides in Oregon and fronts one of the coolest nerd-bands ever) actually succeeds on this funky vamp. He becomes Prince for the song’s duration; the scene in the studio reportedly resembled An American Werewolf In London‘s notorious “transformation” scene. Probably took an entire team of janitors to clean up the mess, but it’ll only take one listen for this righteous jam to transform you into a Spoon fan forever. It also might make you feel like a private eye lurking in shadows, but that’s probably just me.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ro95Ns58qSE

5. The Beach Boys -- “In My Room“

As someone who spends a lot of time staring at the same four walls, this is my favorite type of song: an introvert’s rejection of the outside world. Most normal people will probably find it sad, but normal people shouldn’t be looking at this website. This is the quintessential Beach Boys track, and quite possibly emo’s real starting point.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRrHw5Kn3ZE

4. Metallica -- “Ain’t My Bitch“

Yes, I know -- Load is a lame, sloppy pile of shit. It’s Metallica’s second worst record, and you probably haven’t listened to it on purpose since 1997. Whatever. “Ain’t My Bitch” is one of the rare times when the band’s latter-day Frankensteining of crunchy alt-metal and classic Southern boogie really works, and it’s the perfect “fuck off” to any simpering turd-burglars raining on your hard-charging boner parade. Also, the solo kills -- whatever you think of Metallica’s weird, kinda sad second act, Kirk Hammett remains a god to anybody who ever wanted to absolutely murder six strings.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0p-xZbRfUs

3. The Strokes -- “Last Nite“

Some people will argue that the Strokes ripped this song’s main riff directly from Tom Petty’s “American Girl,” and they are absolutely correct -- it is a blatant theft. But those people are also missing the point of the song, which is this: people don’t understand. This is what we call a “perfect circle” when we are trying to sound smart. (What we really mean is that “Last Nite” curb-stomps “American Girl” because the Strokes are sexy and vicious, and Tom Petty is kind of a douche.)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1vvUec71v8

2. The Roots -- “Don’t Feel Right“

I normally hate the Roots, mostly because I am supposed to like them if I want to seem enlightened. The majority of their discography puts me to sleep with its snoozetastic “organic” approach to hip-hop. But “Don’t Feel Right” is my go-to jam when things just don’t feel right. Black Thought is perturbed by racism, the government, and poverty; my typical downers include going to work, getting bad tomatoes from the grocery store, and lack of quality weed (due to poverty). Nevertheless, I feel we share the same metaphorical boat for the four glorious minutes that “Don’t Feel Right” lasts; the beat, as usual, is all.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0ihRbPtfmA

1. Led Zeppelin -- “D’yer Maker“

Pasty white British guys do reggae. It doesn’t necessarily work, but it still works. And it makes you feel like a million bucks whenever you hear it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoF4Dsd1uRU

It’s no secret that we love the Swellers here at the Assault offices – their latest record, 2009′s Ups & Downsizing, provided us with plenty of inspiration during long coffee-fueled nights of writing reviews and hammering out tutorials. So it was a real honor when lead Sweller Nick Diener graciously consented to answering a few questions for us via e-mail while taking a much-deserved break from the road.

AssaultBLOG: What’s the typical journey for a Swellers song from conception to actualization?

Nick Diener: Jonathan and I are the songwriters. We’ll have a riff, a chorus, sometimes a whole song’s music just happening in our heads. We bring it to each other, and if we like it, we keep it. If we sorta like it, we trash it. That’s probably why it takes us like a year to write 6 songs. We rarely have “extra” songs to play around with. Sometimes it’ll take 9 months to get a song right, sometimes it’ll take 9 minutes. Either way, usually lyrics come last, to make sure they’re exactly presented how we want them.

Being on an indie label, do you have to meet certain expectations, or do you get free reign? For instance, is there any pressure to deliver a song that “sounds” like a single?

FBR [Fueled By Ramen] has been great and believes in us 100%. We recorded our album and paid for it ourselves before we even got signed. I’m sure they’d like us to do well and get huge and have a big radio jam some day, but they know we’re a punk band and not to tell us what to do!

How important do you consider traditional measures of success, such as sales and radio play?

Sales are very important because the numbers are what get good things for bands. The higher the numbers you have, the better the tours, the more money to make touring easier, etc. Sales are down like 99% from what they used to be, though. If you’ve sold 100,000 records, it means probably 2 million have already downloaded it for free. Only weirdos listen to the radio, but hey, it helps.

How do you keep the equation of “career” and “calling” properly balanced? How has the work-to-fun ratio changed as the band has become more popular?

Good question. I think it just kind of happened. As more people started coming to shows and we got on bigger tours, there was more money going around. We went from breaking even, to making enough to “get by” and keep touring. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I can live, just from playing in this band. But I don’t live very extravagantly. I try not to buy expensive things. Just food! It’s a lot more fun, now, actually, than it used to be, because we don’t have to worry about so many things, like will we eat today? Will we have enough gas money to get home? It’s a lot more relaxed. We’re working even harder though now too!

Being on the road so much, are you able to balance your personal life with band business? Is it hard to normalize when you finally get home?

Very hard to normalize when I get home. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do when I’m home. I’m made to play songs and tour. It’s good to see friends, girlfriends, family, and everyone else for awhile though.

What lessons have you learned from being on the road with heavy-hitters like Paramore and Less Than Jake? And is that level of popularity scary or inspiring?

The Paramore and Less Than Jake tours were both two of the biggest tours we’ve done, but they were also very different tours. Paramore plays to mostly “concert-goers” and Less Than Jake plays to “punk rock fans”. Very different people, very different staff and crews on the tour, but both did great things for our band and we loved hanging out with everybody on both. Definitely makes us want to keep working up to that point.

At your shows you talk about playing in real bands with real instruments. Any idea why kids nowadays are more likely to pick up a video game controller than a guitar? What got you started playing music?

Video games are easier than real life, in every aspect. A video game costs less than a real guitar, too. My bro and I started playing music together when we were 9 and 10, so it’s all i’ve known for 13 years. Never went with the trends of what was popular.. just played rock music from day one. Still am, just in front of more people than just my parents. I picked up a guitar so I could play Nirvana songs.

It’s no secret that you and your brother are straight-edge vegans. What made you decide to be straight edge and vegan?

I don’t like the idea of not being able to drive. I don’t like the idea of spending money on drinks that taste like shit. I don’t like the idea of my breath smelling like white trash. I don’t like the idea of contributing to animals being killed for selfish reasons. Hence, the vegan straight edge. Makes me feel good.

You’ve opened for Paramore, Less Than Jake, and pretty soon you’ll be opening for Motion City Soundtrack, is there one band that you haven’t opened up for that you’d like to?

Weezer, Green Day, Jimmy Eat world, Foo Fighters, NOFX, Get Up Kids. I’d like to be with those guys.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve been given by another band or person in the music industry?

It was from Bill Stevenson when we toured with Only Crime. He was in Black Flag and the Descendants. He said that no matter how many kids are in the crowd that night, even if it’s two, they still could have done ANYTHING they wanted that night, and they came to see your band. So give them a hell of a show.

When you guys start headlining, who are the bands you’d like to have opening up?

A band called Heartsounds from California. Living With Lions, A Wilhelm Scream, Broadway Calls, Cheap Girls from Michigan, just to name a few!

Besides getting boners to stop from having to pee while driving, what are some other crazy/weird/funny things that have happened to you and the guys while on the road?

I just think its crazy, weird, and funny that anyone would like us or our music enough to put a poster of us on their wall. We’re just weirdo kids who play rock songs. Makes me really happy, though. There are too many random and weird moments to really pick just one.. but I think it’s nuts how much we actually drive. Brutal.

I know you guys just came out with a new CD, but are you planning on coming out with anything else in the near future?

Not really the near future, but hopefully early to mid 2011 will be our next record release. Can’t wait. Already writing it.

What’s the end game for The Swellers? At what point can you say, “yup, we’ve done it all now.”

I think the second we stop growing is the second I’ll start thinking of wrapping things up. Don’t wanna beat a dead horse.

(Additional reporting by Third World Timmy.)

I was lucky enough recently to partake in the Chicago Music Commission’s Social Media panel for musicians at the Cultural Center in Chicago. They just posted the MP3 for the panel which they’ve called, “Stand Out In A Digital World”. I highly recommend listening to the podcast if you’re somewhat new to marketing yourself as a musician online. There’s tons of links and resources we discuss throughout the panel, and I only say “fuck” once.

Social Media for Musicians – Musicians at Work Forum

Recorded Monday,  November 16,  2009

We discussed using Social Media to build fan relationships. Developing a strategy that helps you choose how to use the available services and networks. Getting the most for your effort in growing and maintaining your fan base. Setting expectations and converting those relationships into real-time results.

Moderator:
Jim Goodrich Chicago Music Commission

Panelists:
Jeffrey David Goldford The Everyday People
Miriam Brosseau Stereo Sinai
Alan Jay Sufrin Stereo Sinai
Matt Ryd Singer/Songwriter
Tim Toomey Assault, Inc. (Me you turds)

Links from the panel you may like:

• Reverb Nation – Better than MySpace and you get embeddable music widgets
• Tunecore – Digital Music Distribution
• CD Baby – Discover New Music
• Last.fm – Another place to get your music on, like Pandora

Link opens in iTunes

We scored some great merch from Hollywood Undead that we’re just DYING to give to one of our loyal Twitter followers!

When: Starting Tuesday, November 10th until November 17th at Midnight
Where: Twitter!

To enter:

1. Follow us on Twitter @assault
2. Tweet the message “Signed Hollywood Undead skate deck giveaway! http://bit.ly/sDQQ4 RT and Follow @assault To Enter!“
3. That’s it!

Already a follower? Just click the button below to have the Twitter message posted to your twitter account.

The Fine Print

On Friday (11/17/09), 1 winner will be chosen at random, and will receive a signed skate deck, 1 cd/dvd copy of Desperate Measures, AND 1 t-shirt! Winner will be notified via Twitter, so keep checking your accounts to see if you’ve won! In order to be a winner you must be following us, and tweet the above message exactly as is.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=60YMD0o6wJw

Hollywood Undead

A&M/Octone recording group Hollywood Undead will give their fans something brand new to talk about on October 27th, when they release a two-disc CD/DVD consisting of 6 new studio recordings, 6 live recordings and a full 60 minute live performance on DVD. The new package dubbed Desperate Measures : CD/DVD is an eclectic mix of new studio recordings produced by Danny Lohner (Nine Inch Nails) and live recordings of fan favorites. In its 60th week on the Billboard 200 album chart, the debut album Swan Songs remains inside the Top 200, with total sales of more than 500,000 and average sales of 5-6,000 per week -- testament to the band’s explosive headline performances and online marketing.

The new CD + DVD package includes three cover songs “Shout At The Devil” originally performed by Motley Crue, “Bad Town” originally performed by Operation Ivy and “Immigrant Song” originally performed by Led Zeppelin. The album will also include a remix version of “Everywhere I Go” the third single from the album. In addition, special exclusive live versions of “No. 5,” “Undead,” and other fan favorites will be included on both the CD and DVD configurations.

The masks contribute to the band’s mystique. Charlie explains, “In order to keep everything a mystery, we didn’t want people to know what we look like.” That mystery is just as important to the band’s identity as the city is. J-Dog continues, “I’ve seen too many people who just couldn’t cut it out here. This city literally chews people up and spits them out. In Hollywood, there are aspiring actors, artists, crack heads, gang bangers, taggers, and homeless people. They all add to the culture. Growing up around so many different people made us who we are. Hollywood was always known for its rawness, and we have that.” The world will soon see that Hollywood Undead is as raw as it gets.

Desperate Measures Disc One (CD) track list:

(Links opens in iTunes)

1. Dove and Grenade
2. Tear It Up
3. Shout At The Devil (originally performed by Motley Crue)
4. Immigrant Song (originally performed by Led Zeppelin)
5. Bad Town (originally performed by Operation Ivy)
6. EL Urgencia
7. Everywhere I Go (Castle Renholder Mix)
8. Undead (Live)
9. Sell Your Soul (Live)
10. California (Live)
11. Black Dahlia (Live)
12. Everywhere I Go (Live)
13. No. 5 (Live)

Desperate Measures Disc Two (DVD):
Hollywood Undead Live (60+ Minutes)
@ The Sunshine Theater, ALbuquerque, NM &
@ THe Marquee Theater, Tempe, AZ

We’ve been lucky enough to hijack a signed Shwayze CD and poster that we’ve decided to give away to one of our Twitter followers!

When: Starting Monday, November 2 until November 13th at Midnight
Where: Twitter!

To enter:

1. Follow us on Twitter @assault
2. Tweet the message “Signed @Shwayze CD and poster giveaway! http://bit.ly/16wA3Q RT and Follow @assault To Enter!“
3. That’s it!

Already a follower? Just click the button below to have the Twitter message posted to your twitter account.

Want to read our review of Shwayze’s new album first? Click here to check it out!

The Fine Print

On Friday (11/13/09), 1 winner will be chosen at random to receive the signed CD and poster! Winners will be notified via Twitter, so keep checking your accounts to see if you’ve won! In order to be a winner you must be following us, and tweet the above message exactly as is.

Shwayze and Cisco

Shwayze have just unveiled the track list for their upcoming album Let It beat. The album features the hit single “Get U Home” and guest appearances from hip-hop heavyweight’s Snoop Dogg, The Knux and Tabi Bonney. Let It Beat is the second studio album from the Malibu based hip-hop duo and will be available for purchase and download on Novemeber 3.

Shwayze and Cisco also had the chance to sit down with MTV recently and talk about their biggest fears, favorite scary movie, and some of their best Halloween memories. Check out the video here to get amped for Halloween and make sure to pre-order your copy of Let It Beat now. Visit www.shwayze.com for more information and a list of upcoming tour dates with LMFAO.

Let It Beat Track List:

1. Livin? It Up (feat. Snoop Dogg)
2. Get U Home
3. Crazy For You
4. Maneatrr
5. Sally Is A?
6. Dirty Little Girl (feat. The Knux)
7. Down At The Motel
8. Daze Like This
9. Wait All Night (feat. Tabi Bonney)
10. Perfect For Me
11. Make a Lil? Love
12. Heart and Soul

IATT Live #3 9/3/09 from I Am The Trend on Vimeo with appearances by Craig and myself, Jud from Shirt Fight!, and Nick from Storenvy. We had a blast doing the live show and would LOVE to do another one. Special thanks to Ian from Haha Press for coming out and for Iain from Graphic 22 for answering all the screen printing questions.

We were lucky enough to be featured in the clothing section of the brand new I Am The Trend website with our newest shirt, The Peaceful Revolution T-Shirt. The article contains a quick summary of Assault as well as overall brand message in the “Tee of the Week: Assault Apparel” post over at I Am The Trend.

Peaceful Revolution T-Shirt on Third World Timmy

View a high resolution.

Along with getting a new tattoo this week that was inspired by my favorite band of all time, I decided it was time to design and sell a shirt that was inspired by the same band, Rise Against.

I’ve been listening to Rise Against since about 2003-2004 when I was in college, and since then they’ve only gotten better and better.

Themes ranging from political activism, animal rights activism, and to just have a cause and purpose in general are a major influence in many of the designs and ideas that go into Assault, as well as the songs that make up the new Rise Against album so we thought it’d be fitting to incorporate some of their lyrics as well as some famous quotes and thoughts from some of our favorite books and people.

The main quote on this shirt comes from the book Anarchic Harmony by William J. Murray:

We classify ourselves above other animals because of our so-called intelligence. Why? If we instead chose to classify species according to effectiveness on the planet, mankind would be at the bottom of the totem pole. If we classify according to beauty, or grace, or sheer numbers, mankind wouldn’t make the top third of any category. The fact is that our intelligence, as we now use it, makes us a cancer to the bottom of the ladder of life-forms.

The other main quote in this shirt is from John F. Kennedy:

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible, make violent revolution inevitable.

If you get a chance, listen to some of Rise Against’s new album, Appeal to Reason, as well as their other favorite album of mine, Siren Song of the Counter Culture.

Oh yea, go buy the Peaceful Revolution T-Shirt at the site for our WOOT side deal of the day for $16.99 plus free shipping, or you can wait a week and pay $23.99 when it’s back up to it’s normal price.

I recently wrote this post as a guest blogger on, How To Start a Clothing Company, for my friend Jonathan Kruse of Mediocre Clothing, and figured I’d re-post it here on my site for anyone who’s looking for a Lehman’s explanation of SEO, or search engine optimization.

One of the major things that has helped me with my t-shirt brand, Assault, since it’s inception in late February of last year was optimizing my site for Google and other search engines. I’ve worked as a SEO consultant and developer the past 7 or 8 years for various companies, and our list of clients contain some of the biggest names and brands in the world.

I’m not going to add to the gigantic list of of great SEO resources and basic SEO 101 strategies that you can easily find all over the web. Instead, I’m going to go over a few secrets that I have developed specifically for my online store, Assault Apparel, that will help those of you who are like me and don’t have any sort of money to use for marketing and PPC like some of the other t-shirt shops around town.

Assault's URL structure with CSS disabled

Think like a robot – Link Text, Title Text, Content Keywords, Landing Pages

A search engine spider uses a lot of information about your site to determine your search engine rankings. Using links with system text pertaining to your search term is a big factor. Using landing pages with specific keywords in your page title, as well as throughout the text in your actual page is another thing that gives you proper keyword density pertaining to the page titles.

Disable your sites’ stylesheet to get an idea of what a search engine is seeing when it comes to your page. The link text and text position on the site is very important. Be sure to have your links near the very top of the page, and to carve out your sites’ links by putting rel=”nofollow” on your anchor tags associated with pages you do not want spidered. This cuts down on the number of links on the page, thus giving you more weight on your pertinent links.

My links to the right all use the word t-shirts as well as link to my landing pages with the same keywords sprinkled throughout the content. I would say that about 2% of your pages content should contain your keywords. Anymore than 2% is overkill.

Think like a human – Keyword Choices

One of the most important tools I have used to determine naming conventions for my pages, shirts, and images is the Google Keyword Tool. Everyone uses this tool, and everyone who’s good at SEO is following the standards as laid out by Google in their SEO Starter Guide pdf, but what most places aren’t doing is choosing the high volume search keywords that aren’t being target by everyone.

For example, you’re never going to show up in the first 10 results for the keyword t-shirts, or tshirts, or even shirts. If you’re just starting out, there’s no point in trying to compete for this word. It’s already dominated. The words you should be trying to get in the top ten for, are other searches with the word, “t-shirt” in them. Assault‘s top keywords besides searches related to “Assault” are things like

• zombie t-shirt
• band apparel
• graphic t-shirts
• skull t-shirts
• rocker apparel
• chicago t-shirts
• band shirts

You get the idea. These are the keywords you need to use throughout your internal and external links to your pages as well as your actual physical file names. The way you work your way in the top ten is to carve out your niche in other t-shirt related searches and over time you will finally begin to sneak into the top results for other one word searches. Currently we’re between 5 and 9 for the keyword “Assault“, and we never even used to get into the top ten.

Register your brand with local search results

We registered our business as a local business with Google and we’ve seen a significant increase in traffic from “chicago t-shirts” related searches. This is what gets you in the local results up near the top of the search results page.

Link backs are incredibly important to move your site up

The number one thing that determines your page rank on search results is link backs. (This isn’t a proven fact, but we’ve seen our best results from a precision link back campaign) This means if you want to get in the top results for t-shirt related searches, you need to start exchanging links with popular websites, and sites that show up in the search results for t-shirt searches.

A couple of my tips/tricks to get high quality link backs

• Start an Ebay Blog. There aren’t any rel=”nofollow” on your links back to your own site. This is the best quality link juice you can get
• Flickr Photos with links back to your site. This also gets you top quality linkback text to your specific site
• Provide the exact linkback text to your link exchange partners so that it uses proper link text pertaining to your site.
• Forum links – participate in relevant forums and generally your links will not have the rel=”nofollow” on them.
• Start a Public Facebook Fan page. These are showing up in search results now as well.

Myths and irrelevant techniques

While everything I’ve said are examples of things that have worked for me, I should precede all of these things with this statement:

Google’s search algorithm is constantly changing. Last year it changed over 300 times, and no one is 100% how it actually works. Don’t fall for the companies out there selling expensive “black magic” to get your site in top results. Most SEO boutiques are full of shit. I’ve done SEO campaigns for small and big time clients, and independent SEO boutiques trying to scam business off of them gave our SEO work an F grade… no joke. Be wary of SEO marketing companies. There are about 50 techniques, and everyone is doing them. Any SEO company is probably on the verge of spamming if they’re overpromising results.

Google, Search Engine Watch, and the Search Engine Round Table are about the only 3 places I really trust.

Google does not use meta keywords, some search engines do, but I wouldn’t waste too much time on this.

Loading up 30 character file names and 40 word alt descriptions on images is a waste of time and resources. “SEO Experts” like Acronym may tell you to do this, but the time wasted doing this could be used somewhere else and you may get flagged as trying to game Google.  While it is important to use alt tags, and to name images appropriately, overdoing this by using 40 word alt tags, and 30+ character names for your images is a bit of a waste of time and you run the risk of being flagged as loading your image and alt tags.

Don’t use hidden text to fool Google. They’ll find out and you’ll get penalized.

Make an XML sitemap and submit it to Google, and update it constantly.

Don’t overdo keywords in the title. Be specific, but don’t be a total spammer.

Use Google Analytics, and setup E-Commerce tracking. You’ll be amazed at the value of the information you get from this tool. I get 70% of my sales from organic search results, and plenty of that comes from Google Image search related to finding my product images with quality names and alt tags. Like I mentioned before, it’s important to use proper, specific names, but overdoing file names and alt tags is a unneccesary.

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