Jere begins his Cutting The Crap series with some very serious crap: Van Halen III, a failed attempt by one of the world’s greatest rock bands to reinvent themselves in the grunge age.

Contrary to what you see on Assault, we still have time to lovingly peruse our old music collections. With that in mind, Jere has fired up his iPod, set it to “random album” and reviewed the first three things that pop up. We call it Assault Shrapnel, where nothing is off-limits and you don’t know what’ll hit you!

The other day a funny thing happened. I had just parked my car in the Meijer parking lot and I was ready to run in and grab the pints of ice cream that I came for, but then a song started playing and it was so good that I re-settled in my seat, lit another [...]

Now that MTV has about as much to do with music as KFC has to do with Kentucky, the Internet has become our primary source for music videos. With the Internet, though, there is no filter. It’s hard to separate the wheat from the chaff. Well here, rocketeers, is the chaff. It’s your penance for a lifetime of sins: Music Video Hell. This week: Vengaboys & Perez Hilton make some serious threats to your butthole.

Jere investigates some classic musical missteps in an effort to understand how good careers go awry.

It’s been a week without any free music – can Oswald keep it together? With the help of Stevie Nicks and Bob Dylan, maybe.

Contrary to what you see on Assault, we still have time to lovingly peruse our old music collections. With that in mind, Jere has fired up his iPod, set it to “random album” and reviewed the first three things that pop up. We call is Assault Shrapnel Reviews, where nothing is off-limits and you don’t know what’ll hit you!

Now that MTV has about as much to do with music as KFC has to do with Kentucky, the Internet has become our primary source for music videos. With the Internet, though, there is no filter. It’s hard to separate the wheat from the chaff. Well here, drinkers of both tea and coffee, is the chaff. It’s your penance for a lifetime of sins: Music Video Hell. This week: Trade Martin and the “mosque” at “ground zero.”

Oswald Hobbes stops downloading music. What will happen?

Jere vs. Scott Pilgrim.

Now that MTV has about as much to do with music as KFC has to do with Kentucky, the Internet has become our primary source for music videos. With the Internet, though, there is no filter. It’s hard to separate the wheat from the chaff. Well here, ninjas and Juggalos, is the chaff. It’s your penance for a lifetime of sins: Music Video Hell. This week: Violent JJ.

Now that MTV has about as much to do with music as KFC has to do with Kentucky, the Internet has become our primary source for music videos. With the Internet, though, there is no filter. It’s hard to separate the wheat from the chaff. Well here, Adams and Eves, is the chaff. It’s your penance for a lifetime of sins: Music Video Hell. This week: ersatz pop-punkers The Maine.

In case you haven’t noticed, a lot of the people who write for Assault are what you might call “real classy guys.” We like to dress in tweed jackets, smoke pipes, and (when we’re not too busy tossing word-bombs at 30 Seconds To Mars) we sometimes even like to do a little old fashioned, rootin,’ tootin,’ straight-up creative writing. In that vein, I introduceAssault Cafe – a cozy little corner of the site where the arty-farty types can get together and share their passion for putting sentences together. For our next installment, I present Jere Pilapil’s “The Pope Case.”

(Contrary to what you see on Assault, we still have time to lovingly peruse our old music collections. With that in mind, Jere has fired up his iPod, set it to “random album” and reviewed the first three things that pop up. We call is Assault Shrapnel Reviews, where nothing is off-limits and you don’t know what’ll hit you!) This week: Prince, Derek & The Dominos, and Jerry Lee Lewis.

The second installment of Assault’s award-winning advice column. Dr. Joe Gibson is in the muthafuckin’ house!

Now that MTV has about as much to do with music as KFC has to do with Kentucky, the Internet has become our primary source for music videos. With the Internet, though, there is no filter. It’s hard to separate the wheat from the chaff. Well here, toilet dwellers, is the chaff. It’s your penance for a lifetime of sins: Music Video Hell. This week: the minimal viral masterpiece “Sittin’ On The Toilet.”

Get to know the creative side of the Assault writing team. Installment one: Jeremy Clymer remembers a simpler time for some of Gotham’s most notorious citizens.

Now that MTV has about as much to do with music as KFC has to do with Kentucky, the Internet has become our primary source for music videos. With the Internet, though, there is no filter. It’s hard to separate the wheat from the chaff. Well here, puppets and puppeteers, is the chaff. It’s your penance for a lifetime of sins: Music Video Hell. This week: the unholy terror that of the VentriloChoir.

Got a problem? This guy can solve it.

Contrary to what you see on Assault, we still have time to lovingly peruse our old music collections. With that in mind, Jere has fired up his iPod, set it to “random album” and reviewed the first three things that pop up. We call is Assault Shrapnel Reviews, where nothing is off-limits and you don’t know what’ll hit you! This week: Willie Nelson, Busta Rhymes, and The Complete Stax/Volt Singles 1959-1968.