After almost three years of boners and unicorns the “After Party” Timmyblog and Mr 51% are changing up the game with our business cycle from that of a hap-hazardly organized shit storm into a well-oiled mechanized shit storm. From here on out, we’ll ease off the socio-politically charged shirt themes into themes more… party-friendly.

We’re giving you (+your mom) the business

• 5 shirts
• 50 prints of each
• 250 total shirts
• 1 mix CD full of great music from around the world, but mostly from Chicago
• Free Shipping
• …and when they’re gone, they are gone.

Shirt prices have gone up a bit–we get it, but we’re not gonna Ticketmaster your ass and upcharge you with convenience fees and shipping fees, nor will we Ed Hardy your ass with a ridiculous price of $75 per douche. Instead, we’re only going to ship it to you for free, and guarantee you that you will be 1/50 people who have this shirt, and a sweet mix tape of bands you’ve never heard of before. (More on that below) For now here’s the five shirt designs we’re starting our pre-sale for the official Assault ONE, Gangland Chicago. Orders ship in approximately 3 weeks time!

Buy any of these shirts at our online store now!

If Indiana Jones, James Dean, and Robert Mitchum were genetically combined into a massive, tommy gun-weilding zombie gangster destroyer, and said gangster destroyer was caught on camera and then that image was depicted in a Caravaggio-esque rendered oil painting onto a t-shirt it would resemble this masterpiece we have here.

In these days, it's kill or be killed.... And unfortunately if you're a zombie gangster like this cat there's no way you can operate a tommy gun. At least that's what we think Max Brooks would have to say. The only thing you know is bwainzzzz!!!!!

This shirt design was inspired by the stark black and whites and striking singular use of red famously exemplified by Frank Miller.

The main centerpiece and backdrop for this shirt is a historical map of the city of Chicago right around the heart of prohibition. Overlayed on top of the map, (along with a repetitive line of g-men) you may recognize several prominent historical buildings from the Chicago skyline. The shirt also includes the classic non-douche flare that our previous uberfans will recognize as splats and secret hidden messages and text!

Al Capone meets powder puff girls... and wins. I guess you could say they were, cap-owned? #treated. This t-shirt was designed by our resident deranged cartoon chick, Candice Ciesla. Find more of her work, (or better yet hire her) at her website, http:/www.candiceciesla.cc

Assault ONE, Mix Tape

We love music at Assault.it. We love it so much, in fact, that we rounded up a bunch of our favorite (mostly) local bands and asked them to contribute tracks that we could distribute to our customers and friends. And that’s how the official Assault Mix Tape was born! We’ve been handing them out at street festivals all summer and passing them along to anybody who will talk to us on Twitter, and the reaction has been nothing short of fantasticomical. (So fantastic, in other words, that it’s downright comical.)

Among the bands you’ll find: Direct Hit!, The Scissors, Geronimo!, Kid, You’ll Move Mountains, Makeshift Prodigy, Stegosaur, The Maybenauts, The Fireship, The Action Blast, Midwest Hype, Man The Change, Trippy Wicked, Vagina Panther – and oh so many more. Surely this is a mix to be reckoned with, only by a fool – you do not want to “step up” to this mix, in 3D or otherwise. It’s a rocket ride to the heart of rock ‘n’ roll, with very few stops along the way. Two bathroom breaks. Maybe a falafel run. But that’s it! Otherwise, you’re strapped in, you’re flying, and things are exploding at the edge of your vision. At certain points it might seem that the ship was built too quickly and cheaply, and a few pieces may fly off. But you will certainly reach your destination, which is rawk enlightenment, and that’s the important part.

Would you like a taste of our rock sauce?

Full Band List

• Direct Hit!
• The Scissors
• The Action Blast
• The Fireship
• A Common Year
• The Young International
• Cavashawn
• The Delivery Boys
• Onasis
• Artifex Pereo
• Makeshift Prodigy
• Vayden
• Trippy Wicked
• Vagina Panther
• Man The Change
• Geronimo!
• Kid, You’ll Move Mountains
• Stegosaur
• Maybenauts
• Midwest Hype

And if you’ve made it this far now you get to read our dude(or douche)-tastic press release!

CHICAGO-BASED CLOTHING COMPANY RELEASES LIMTED EDITION LINE OF “1930s GANGLAND CHICAGO” THEMED ROCKER T-SHIRTS

Chicago, IL – Assault.it, a Chicago based website will release a limited-run t-shirt collection featuring a “1930s era Chicago,” theme as inspired by prohibition era gangland Chicago.  Only fifty of each style shirt will be printed, currently available for presale online, and once they’re gone…they’re gone! You can also choose from a select amount other designs for sale on their online store with prices ranging from $16.99-$22.99.

Assault’s t-shirt store, just one facet of its e-zine site (Assault.it), also gives buyers a complimentary mix tape with each t-shirt purchased.  Inspired by local music in Chicago and across the globe, the designers have found inspiration through these channels and hand-picked original music from the best emerging local artists in their favorite music scenes to include on the Official Assault Mix Tape.

“We love music at Assault.it. We love it so much, in fact, that we rounded up a bunch of our favorite local bands and asked them to contribute tracks that we could distribute to our customers and friends,” says Tim Toomey, founder and web/merchandising designer of Assault.it. Among their favorite bands featured on the Mix Tape include Direct Hit!, The Scissors, Geronimo!, Kid, You’ll Move Mountains, Makeshift Prodigy, Stegosaur, The Maybenauts, and The Fireship, among many others.

This past year Assult.it took to the local music festivals and social media channels to sample the tapes to young Chicagoans with a similar appreciation of music throughout the city.   “The reaction has been nothing short of fantasticomical. (So fantastic, in other words, that it’s downright comical.) Surely this is a mix to be reckoned with, only by a fool – you do not want to ‘step up’ to this mix, in 3D or otherwise. It’s a rocket ride to the heart of rock ‘n’ roll, with very few stops along the way. Two bathroom breaks. Maybe a falafel run. But that’s it! Otherwise, you’re strapped in, you’re flying, and things are exploding at the edge of your vision. At certain points it might seem that the ship was built too quickly and cheaply, and a few pieces may fly off. But you will certainly reach your destination, which is raw enlightenment, and that’s the important part,” says Editor-In-Chief of Assault.it Oswald Hobbes.

Would you like a taste of our rock sauce?

About Assault.it:

Assault.it was started in February of 2008 when Craig Kaplowitz and Tim Toomey decided they had been working for The Man just too damn long and it was time to be their own bosses. The only way they knew how to do it was to take randomly funny semi-offensive slogans and to slap them onto the finest American made t-shirts they could find.

Assault.it was started initially to supplement our online store documenting our day to day activities, but has since surpassed our store to become a full fledged, online resource for bands, designers, and clothing enthusiasts.

So we like molotov cocktails, and fire

After a night of mildly drunken tom-foolery not so long ago, we decided it would be interesting to aimlessly throw around some  molotov cocktails in an uninhabited neighborhood under the supervision of professionals–fun for the whole family.

During our crusade, we discovered two things: 1) how exciting  it is to pretend you’re an anarchic gangster, and 2)  it would be awesome to be Indiana Jones. But, with those two dreams hopelessly removed from the reality of our day to day struggles as t-shirt shop owners, we thought it’d be fun to set some of our inventory on fire in true pyro fashion. So we bring to you a rescue mission of sorts: while we don’t want to set our prized shirts on fire  – they were made in America, after all – we just can’t help ourselves.

If you think you’d like to rescue one of these shirts from being put down like a stray dog having a real bad day at the animal shelter, then you should head over to our store and buy one  (or two, or three) before we go all twelve-year-old-with-a-magnifying-glass on this shit. Please, rescue one of our fledgling t-shirt orphans in true liberal style. Have at it thou mangled boil-brained pigeon-egg!

Go to the store to get shirts for $15.99 that we’re never selling again

The Retro Galaxy t-shirt makes up our quasi fall/winter line of t-shirts, and is primarily made up of images captured by Nasa’s very own Hubble Telescope. Ever since I heard the story from a co-worker that earth had nearly been annihilated several times in my lifetime I knew I wanted to design some sort of crazy space-inspired shirt, but never found a good source of inspiration.

Click to view a high resolution image of the shirt design

That all changed when I started looking around at images actually taken of space from the Hubble Telescope. Throw in some adobe phtoshop custom brushes, and some brush dynamics and I very quickly had something that was ready to be printed.

The only problem I had with the shirt was that I was unable to place it onto an actual t-shirt because of how haphazardly the brushes were laid out on the design. After browsing through the thousands of custom shapes I had, I found something I liked. I added some of our classic hidden logos and text throughout the stars and nerve impulse images, and the design was done.

• Buy the Retro Galaxy T-Shirt at Assault
• <3 it at Emptees

(Currently priced at $22.99 but you can get 10% off with the discount code HANDHSAKE)

Layer Breakdown

This shirt was designed around the same time that Proposition 8 made headlines in the state of California. Proposition 8 was side note to an election ballot that was primarily used to strip away the previously granted rights of gay couples to legally marry. The new wording of the ammendment essentially stated that, “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”

What most people don’t know about Proposition 8 is that it marked the first time in American history that the rights of a group of people was taken away after being granted by law. Who do we have to thank for this black mark on the history of our country? None other than the Roman Catholic Church, and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormons.

These two groups were heavy proponents of Proposition 8, even donating hefty sums of money to the overall campaign in favor of passing the amendment. Does that sound fair? A tax-free organization that is allowed to contribute around 50% of the total budget to lobby against a cause it opposes? A tax-free organization that doesn’t even reside in the state where the election ballot ammendment vote is taking place?

No matter the person, no one should have their rights limited, and no book should dictate the status quo. Gay and lesbian couples deserve the same rights. The pursuit of happiness should belong to every man woman and child. Repeal prop8.

This shirt was designed by me, (Tim Toomey) and depicts an 8-legged spider stepping on the bill of rights which grants us our basic freedoms.

To purchase the Anti-Proposition of Hate Section 8 T-Shirt click here
(Currently priced at $22.99 but you can get 10% off with the discount code HANDHSAKE)

More images of this shirt

Shirt depicted below on Kyle Smith, lead singer of the band, A Hero Named Hope

High resolution 1984 image

For some time now I’ve wanted to design a shirt inspired by 1984. The newest member of the Assault team, John Staniforth took on the challenge to bring this entire deisgn to life,  and this is the final product which I’m proud to say is some of our best work yet. 90% of the design work came from Stani’s mind, and the other 10% was myself adding color and a few other elements to, “take it to the next level.”

This Orwellian design’s focus is on the subject of totalitarian rule; rule brought about through the tyrannical control of thoughts, beliefs and ideals. By censoring and controlling the doctrine of which people live by, through the constant barrage of the oppressive propaganda machine, power is taken from the outreaching open hands of the many and tightly grasped by the clinching fists of the elitist few.  Through surveillance, censorship, fear of random violence, fear of torture, fear of nuclear war and death, freedom becomes not only an unspeakable word but an unthinkable and unobtainable ideal.

This design was created using a combination of digital matte painting, as well as grafting images together in Photoshop to achieve the final look. It also utilized several custom Photoshop brushes and shapes that we’ve created using our custom Photoshop brush tutorial.

If you’d like to see this shirt in high resolution, click on the image above. You can buy this shirt for $22.99 currently on the 1984 t-shirt product page over at Assault.

View a high resolution.

Along with getting a new tattoo this week that was inspired by my favorite band of all time, I decided it was time to design and sell a shirt that was inspired by the same band, Rise Against.

I’ve been listening to Rise Against since about 2003-2004 when I was in college, and since then they’ve only gotten better and better.

Themes ranging from political activism, animal rights activism, and to just have a cause and purpose in general are a major influence in many of the designs and ideas that go into Assault, as well as the songs that make up the new Rise Against album so we thought it’d be fitting to incorporate some of their lyrics as well as some famous quotes and thoughts from some of our favorite books and people.

The main quote on this shirt comes from the book Anarchic Harmony by William J. Murray:

We classify ourselves above other animals because of our so-called intelligence. Why? If we instead chose to classify species according to effectiveness on the planet, mankind would be at the bottom of the totem pole. If we classify according to beauty, or grace, or sheer numbers, mankind wouldn’t make the top third of any category. The fact is that our intelligence, as we now use it, makes us a cancer to the bottom of the ladder of life-forms.

The other main quote in this shirt is from John F. Kennedy:

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible, make violent revolution inevitable.

If you get a chance, listen to some of Rise Against’s new album, Appeal to Reason, as well as their other favorite album of mine, Siren Song of the Counter Culture.

Oh yea, go buy the Peaceful Revolution T-Shirt at the site for our WOOT side deal of the day for $16.99 plus free shipping, or you can wait a week and pay $23.99 when it’s back up to it’s normal price.

The Skull Propaganda T-Shirt was done using a combination of my normal photoshop techniques completely in Photoshop. The skull that provides the main focal point for the shirt was done by tracing a skull I found on the internet with the pen tool. I then converted the path to a custom shape so I could use the shape again if I wanted, and I deleted the jawbone because for some reason it makes it look a bit more rugged.

As always feel free to comment on the shirt as well as the underlying message on the shirt. The image links to a high resolution version of the design in case you want to see all the intricate details.

We’ve decided to make this shirt available to both men as well as women. The Men’s shirts print on the American Apparel 2001 Fine Jersey T-Shirt and the Women’s shirts print on the 6321 Sheer Jersey Cap T-Shirt. As always we encourage you to submit pictures of yourselves wearing our shirts and we’ll send you discounts and free stuff!

To purchase the Skull Propaganda T-Shirt click here.

Download the skull custom photoshop shapes