We love music at Assault.it. We love it so much, in fact, that we rounded up a bunch of our favorite (mostly) local bands and asked them to contribute tracks that we could distribute to our customers and friends. And that’s how the official Assault Mix Tape was born! We’ve been handing them out at street festivals all summer and passing them along to anybody who will talk to us on Twitter, and the reaction has been nothing short of fantasticomical. (So fantastic, in other words, that it’s downright comical.)

Among the bands you’ll find: Direct Hit!, The Scissors, Geronimo!, Kid, You’ll Move Mountains, Makeshift Prodigy, Stegosaur, The Maybenauts, The Fireship, The Action Blast, Midwest Hype, Man The Change, Trippy Wicked, Vagina Panther – and oh so many more. Surely this is a mix to be reckoned with, only by a fool – you do not want to “step up” to this mix, in 3D or otherwise. It’s a rocket ride to the heart of rock ‘n’ roll, with very few stops along the way. Two bathroom breaks. Maybe a falafel run. But that’s it! Otherwise, you’re strapped in, you’re flying, and things are exploding at the edge of your vision. At certain points it might seem that the ship was built too quickly and cheaply, and a few pieces may fly off. But you will certainly reach your destination, which is rawk enlightenment, and that’s the important part.

Would you like a taste of our rock sauce?

Want one? Tweet @ us!

Full Band List

• Direct Hit!
• The Scissors
• The Action Blast
• The Fireship
• A Common Year
• The Young International
• Cavashawn
• The Delivery Boys
• Onasis
• Artifex Pereo
• Makeshift Prodigy
• Vayden
• Trippy Wicked
• Vagina Panther
• Man The Change
• Geronimo!
• Kid, You’ll Move Mountains
• Stegosaur
• Maybenauts
• Midwest Hype

After almost three years of boners and unicorns the “After Party” Timmyblog and Mr 51% are changing up the game with our business cycle from that of a hap-hazardly organized shit storm into a well-oiled mechanized shit storm. From here on out, we’ll ease off the socio-politically charged shirt themes into themes more… party-friendly.

We’re giving you (+your mom) the business

• 5 shirts
• 50 prints of each
• 250 total shirts
• 1 mix CD full of great music from around the world, but mostly from Chicago
• Free Shipping
• …and when they’re gone, they are gone.

Shirt prices have gone up a bit–we get it, but we’re not gonna Ticketmaster your ass and upcharge you with convenience fees and shipping fees, nor will we Ed Hardy your ass with a ridiculous price of $75 per douche. Instead, we’re only going to ship it to you for free, and guarantee you that you will be 1/50 people who have this shirt, and a sweet mix tape of bands you’ve never heard of before. (More on that below) For now here’s the five shirt designs we’re starting our pre-sale for the official Assault ONE, Gangland Chicago. Orders ship in approximately 3 weeks time!

Buy any of these shirts at our online store now!

If Indiana Jones, James Dean, and Robert Mitchum were genetically combined into a massive, tommy gun-weilding zombie gangster destroyer, and said gangster destroyer was caught on camera and then that image was depicted in a Caravaggio-esque rendered oil painting onto a t-shirt it would resemble this masterpiece we have here.

In these days, it's kill or be killed.... And unfortunately if you're a zombie gangster like this cat there's no way you can operate a tommy gun. At least that's what we think Max Brooks would have to say. The only thing you know is bwainzzzz!!!!!

This shirt design was inspired by the stark black and whites and striking singular use of red famously exemplified by Frank Miller.

The main centerpiece and backdrop for this shirt is a historical map of the city of Chicago right around the heart of prohibition. Overlayed on top of the map, (along with a repetitive line of g-men) you may recognize several prominent historical buildings from the Chicago skyline. The shirt also includes the classic non-douche flare that our previous uberfans will recognize as splats and secret hidden messages and text!

Al Capone meets powder puff girls... and wins. I guess you could say they were, cap-owned? #treated. This t-shirt was designed by our resident deranged cartoon chick, Candice Ciesla. Find more of her work, (or better yet hire her) at her website, http:/www.candiceciesla.cc

Assault ONE, Mix Tape

We love music at Assault.it. We love it so much, in fact, that we rounded up a bunch of our favorite (mostly) local bands and asked them to contribute tracks that we could distribute to our customers and friends. And that’s how the official Assault Mix Tape was born! We’ve been handing them out at street festivals all summer and passing them along to anybody who will talk to us on Twitter, and the reaction has been nothing short of fantasticomical. (So fantastic, in other words, that it’s downright comical.)

Among the bands you’ll find: Direct Hit!, The Scissors, Geronimo!, Kid, You’ll Move Mountains, Makeshift Prodigy, Stegosaur, The Maybenauts, The Fireship, The Action Blast, Midwest Hype, Man The Change, Trippy Wicked, Vagina Panther – and oh so many more. Surely this is a mix to be reckoned with, only by a fool – you do not want to “step up” to this mix, in 3D or otherwise. It’s a rocket ride to the heart of rock ‘n’ roll, with very few stops along the way. Two bathroom breaks. Maybe a falafel run. But that’s it! Otherwise, you’re strapped in, you’re flying, and things are exploding at the edge of your vision. At certain points it might seem that the ship was built too quickly and cheaply, and a few pieces may fly off. But you will certainly reach your destination, which is rawk enlightenment, and that’s the important part.

Would you like a taste of our rock sauce?

Full Band List

• Direct Hit!
• The Scissors
• The Action Blast
• The Fireship
• A Common Year
• The Young International
• Cavashawn
• The Delivery Boys
• Onasis
• Artifex Pereo
• Makeshift Prodigy
• Vayden
• Trippy Wicked
• Vagina Panther
• Man The Change
• Geronimo!
• Kid, You’ll Move Mountains
• Stegosaur
• Maybenauts
• Midwest Hype

And if you’ve made it this far now you get to read our dude(or douche)-tastic press release!

CHICAGO-BASED CLOTHING COMPANY RELEASES LIMTED EDITION LINE OF “1930s GANGLAND CHICAGO” THEMED ROCKER T-SHIRTS

Chicago, IL – Assault.it, a Chicago based website will release a limited-run t-shirt collection featuring a “1930s era Chicago,” theme as inspired by prohibition era gangland Chicago.  Only fifty of each style shirt will be printed, currently available for presale online, and once they’re gone…they’re gone! You can also choose from a select amount other designs for sale on their online store with prices ranging from $16.99-$22.99.

Assault’s t-shirt store, just one facet of its e-zine site (Assault.it), also gives buyers a complimentary mix tape with each t-shirt purchased.  Inspired by local music in Chicago and across the globe, the designers have found inspiration through these channels and hand-picked original music from the best emerging local artists in their favorite music scenes to include on the Official Assault Mix Tape.

“We love music at Assault.it. We love it so much, in fact, that we rounded up a bunch of our favorite local bands and asked them to contribute tracks that we could distribute to our customers and friends,” says Tim Toomey, founder and web/merchandising designer of Assault.it. Among their favorite bands featured on the Mix Tape include Direct Hit!, The Scissors, Geronimo!, Kid, You’ll Move Mountains, Makeshift Prodigy, Stegosaur, The Maybenauts, and The Fireship, among many others.

This past year Assult.it took to the local music festivals and social media channels to sample the tapes to young Chicagoans with a similar appreciation of music throughout the city.   “The reaction has been nothing short of fantasticomical. (So fantastic, in other words, that it’s downright comical.) Surely this is a mix to be reckoned with, only by a fool – you do not want to ‘step up’ to this mix, in 3D or otherwise. It’s a rocket ride to the heart of rock ‘n’ roll, with very few stops along the way. Two bathroom breaks. Maybe a falafel run. But that’s it! Otherwise, you’re strapped in, you’re flying, and things are exploding at the edge of your vision. At certain points it might seem that the ship was built too quickly and cheaply, and a few pieces may fly off. But you will certainly reach your destination, which is raw enlightenment, and that’s the important part,” says Editor-In-Chief of Assault.it Oswald Hobbes.

Would you like a taste of our rock sauce?

About Assault.it:

Assault.it was started in February of 2008 when Craig Kaplowitz and Tim Toomey decided they had been working for The Man just too damn long and it was time to be their own bosses. The only way they knew how to do it was to take randomly funny semi-offensive slogans and to slap them onto the finest American made t-shirts they could find.

Assault.it was started initially to supplement our online store documenting our day to day activities, but has since surpassed our store to become a full fledged, online resource for bands, designers, and clothing enthusiasts.

Contest for FREE SHIRTS listen to the opening intro to find out how to win! Critics who have lost their credibility, Roger Ebert, Know1ng, Garfield, film school, picks and dicks.

Pick

• Clymer: Antony & The Johnsons – Swan Lights, Scott Pilgrim comic series
• Jere: Pimp C‘s posthumous record, Cut the Rope – Chillingo Ltd
• Oswald: Runaway (feat. Pusha T) – Single – Kanye West, Teenage Dream (Deluxe Edition) – Katy Perry, air mattress, blu ray pack with Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story and You Don’t Mess With the Zohan
• Tim: MonoPrice

Dicks

• Clymer: that troll asshole who was harassing Oswald
• Jere: WordPress iPad app
• Oswald: Elgin DMV Lady
• Tim: iPad no caps lock and bike riders in Chicago

Show Music

• Runaway (feat. Pusha T) – Single – Kanye West
• Leviathan – Mastodon

Nobody's slave.

In this episode of Audio Assault: Clymer tells a true story from his unexpectedly exciting life; Nas asserts his freedom from the shackles of a recording contract; Tim and Clymer dramatically re-enact an email argument about Bob Dylan; the Liking Stuff Danger Zone, in which love eventually turns to regret; and everybody giggles.

Show Music

• B.o.B. Feat. Rivers Cuomo – “Magic”
• David Bowie – “Heroes”
• Cobra Skulls – “Thicker Than Water”

Rise Against DVD - Another Station: Another Mile Signed DVD Giveaway

When: Starting Tuesday, October 4th until October 11th  at midnight
Where: Twitter!

In honor of the release of the new Rise Against DVD, Another Station: Another Mile DVD we will be giving away a signed copy to one of our Twitter friends!

To enter:

1. Follow us on Twitter @assault
2. Tweet the message “Signed @RiseAgainst DVD giveaway~ http://bit.ly/bc7fbF RT and follow @assault To Enter!“
3. That’s it!

Already a follower? Just click the button below to have the Twitter message posted to your twitter account.

The Fine Print

On Tuesday (10/11/10), 1 winner will be chosen at random, and will receive the autographed Rise Against DVD! Winner will be notified via Twitter, so keep checking your accounts to see if you’ve won! In order to be a winner you must be following us, and tweet the above message exactly as is. US residents only!

Purchase Another Station: Another Mile on Amazon

Another episode of crushing insight where we cover the Vampire Diaries, Wall Street 2, The Social Network, cats farting, NPR, Asthmatic Kitty and the Sufjan Stevens album, the danger zone bit. Madmen. Saving Private Ryan, Pixar movies, Dear Zachary, when Twitter was overtaken by Dave Coulier jokes. The end of You Me and Dupree, The Used, Harry Potter, Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight, Tonight, The Funny People, and Lord of the Rings.

Picks of the Week

• “The After-Party” Timmy: Gardettos deli mustard pretzels and cheap red wine, Enemy of the World (Special Edition) – Four Year Strong
• Oswald: Wilderness Heart (Bonus Track Version) – Black Mountain, Breaking Bad, Season 1 – Breaking Bad
• Jere: box set of Stiff Records singles, Veronica Mars, Season 1 – Veronica Mars, Community, Season 1 – Community
• Clymer: Barking (Deluxe Version) – Underworld, Black Orpheus

Dicks of the Week

• “The After-Party” Timmy: Mike from Total Assault
• Oswald: John McCain
• Jere: NBC
• Clymer: the dick head teacher

Alternate Show Titles

• The apex of greed and human degradation
• Greed is legal
• I cried before I killed the hooker, not after
• The boobs were blurred
• It’s Just Like Any RPG

Show Music

• Armageddon Theme Song
• Hillary Duff – Let The Rain Fall Down
• Explosions In the Sky – Glittering Blackness

In this episode the guys squash the lo-fi indie rock gimmick, the Weezer CD, as well as the VMAs, and why it’s bad to take advice from Taylor Swift.

Subscribe to our podcast in iTunes

Show Music

• Her Words Destroyed My Planet – Single – Motion City Soundtrack
• The Walkmen – Stranded
• Weezer – Ruling Me

Picks of the Week

• Oswald: Son of Schmilsson – Harry Nilsson, Buying MP3s from Amazon
• Jere: Newbury Comics, Chocolate
• “The After-Party” Timmy: Dominos BBQ Chicken Pizzas with no fucking onions, Richard Roeper nailing goth chicks
• Clymer: Abe Vigoda – Crush, Wake Up Everybody (feat. Common & Melanie Fiona) – Single – John Legend & The Roots

Dicks of the Week

• Oswald: Himself
• Jere: Taylor Swift
• “The After-Party” Timmy: Skull Candy Headphones
• Clymer: The Pope (Ed. Note, Yea, we said it. The Pope.)

Alternative Show Titles

• Blind Spots
• Yea Jesus is Pretty Cool
• Black Norah Jones
• Starbucks Soul Man
• What about a Dick!!!
• The Pope Mobile Only Uses Premium

Ozwald Hobbez dials in via Skype and leaves “The After-Party” Timmy all alone in the Assault.it studios. The guys have had it with the law this week as the police officers get two of the four dick of the week votes. Ozwald dismisses movies completely, and the guys discuss their suspicion as to the legitimacy of the new Joaquin Phoenix documentary, “I’m Still Here.” We apologize for the previous sentence.

Subscribe to our podcast in iTunes

Show Music

• Not Aware – Big Bang – The Maybenauts
• Night By Night – Single – Chromeo
• White People for Peace – Single – Against Me!

Picks of the Week

• Jere: The Other Guys, Jerry Lee Lewis
• Ozwald Hobbez: Decortica, Friday Night Lights
• “The After-Party” Timmy: Ghost Chili Peppers, The Catalyst – Single – Linkin Park
• Clymer: The Thermals, The City & The City

Dicks of the Week

• Jere: College Students
• Ozwald Hobbez: Comcast, People who think they’re better than him cause they read books
• “The After-Party” Timmy: Ann Arbor Michigan Cops
• Clymer: Michigan State Trooper

Oswald, “The After-Party” Timmy, and Jere stick around for a bonus episode of Audio Assault where they stumble across all social and political issues currently on the news including WalMart, Green Day, Sarah Palin, Socialism, Barack Obama, freedom of religion, white people, and even sports? Wait what?! Listeners beware, we get so fired up that we don’t take any breaks in this episode…

Subscribe to our podcast in iTunes

Show Music

• The Gaslight Anthem

Dicks of the Week

• WalMart
• Ken Mehlman for coming out as gay (Campaign Manager for Bush/Cheney)

Oswald, “The After-Party” Timmy, Jere, and Clymer go crazy for mash-ups, AMC’s new zombie show The Walking Dead (see our previous coverage of Zombies, which we refer to in the bit), and then pick their favorite stuff from the summer and look forward to this fall’s coming attractions.

Subscribe to our podcast in iTunes

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - Best of the Summer by Audio Assault.

Show Music

• The New Theme Song for Audio Assault!
• Latin for Truth – Natural Tailor Of Natural Joy
  
• The Gaslight Anthem – 1930

Picks of the Week

• Oswald: Horse Power EP – Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr., Fake Problems – Real Ghosts Caught On Tape, Teen Mom
• “The After-Party” Timmy: Netflix (iPhone App), Hipstamatic (another iPhone app), The Natural
• Jere: The Final Frontier – Iron Maiden, Epic Win (iPhone App)
• Clymer: F**k You – Single – Cee Lo Green, Millenium Actress

Dicks of the Week

• Oswald: Bill Gates
• “The After-Party” Timmy: Comcast
• Jere: Epic Win (iPhone App)
• Clymer: Ticketmaster

The “After-Party” Timmy spends 3 days editing out the pops and fixing Assault.it STUDIOS, but alas! The new episode is here, and it’s more funny and awkward than ever! In this episode the guys talk about Bob Lefsetz, Burlesque, The Gathering of the Juggalos, Tila Tequila getting hit in the face, wrestling corpses, the ShitBoXXX, (Featuring our first shitty press release about Bret Michaels hosting the Miss Universe Pageant.) the tediousness of hip hop, Drake, and dream helmets.

Subscribe to our podcast in iTunes

Picks of the week

• Oswald: Direct Hit! #5, His Wet Dream
• The “After-Party” Timmy: The Scissors, NyQuill
• Dr. Joe: Lou Reed – Rock and Roll Animal – Lou Reed and Dream Helmets

Dicks of the week

• Jere: Bank of America
• Oswald: The “After-Party” Timmy
• The “After-Party” Timmy: Bank of America
• Dr. Joe: The “After-Party” Timmy

Show Music

• Direct Hit! – Satan Says
• Kid, You’ll Move Mountains – Volts
• Man the Change – A City Purged
• Direct Hit! – First Train Out

Follow us on Twitter

• Jere
• Oswald
• “After-Party” Timmy
• Dr. Joe

Alternate Show Titles

• Depressing As Fuck
• Lester Bangs was like “Fuck You.”
• It’s Catchy and It’s Fun
• Credence Clearwater Revival in general
• Bonus Tracks
• Bring it
• Pause the Thing
• The Thing Got Unplugged
• The Bank of America Poltergiest
• The Bank of I Just Made This Up

Jere, Clymer, Oswald, and “The After-Party” Timmy formerly known as “Third World” Timmy discuss how much hypem sucks, as well as the pronunciation of the word hubris, and the universal language of cock! Off-topic… topics discussed were getting banned on twitter, smoking lots of weed, internet personas, spambots, and Russian nesting dolls.

Musical topics include Hypem, Kanye West, Weezer, and Mad Men.

Picks of the week

• Jere: Call Me Lightning, and the Scott Pilgrim vs. The World video game
• Jeremy: Bombay Bicycle Club – I had the Blues but I shook them loose. Riff Tracks Live showing Reefer Madness
• Tim: The Gaslight Anthem – American Slang, and Music Skins
• Oswald: The New Wale Mixtape, and the weed he bought last week

Looks like Vevo is posting mad music videos again and advertising them all over YouTube. This particular advervideo is one that I stumbled across and actually enjoyed. (Who wouldn’t enjoy Charlize Theron killing terrorists with samurai swords and ninja starsin hopes of saving The Killers front man Brandon Flowers!?)

(Sometimes, a record comes along that unites two [or more] of the Assault.it staffers in such critical fervor that a standard single-writer review can’t possibly do the subject justice. And so we employ the most powerful weapon at our disposal: THE TAG TEAM REVIEW! This episode of TAG TEAM features Tim and Oswald getting all pumped up over Godsmack’s new record, The Oracle.)

TIM I like music that’s tough. Not that the funky beats of indie rock don’t appeal to me, but when I’m rolling down the south side for a White Sox game or to hit up Reggie’s rock club for a show, I can’t be seen listening to. . .that. I don’t want to get robbed, or beat up, or laughed at. (I like Paramore too, but you won’t see me listening to that kind of stuff in my car either.) Godsmack is tough. Tough, and heavy--really heavy. That’s all I’ve ever asked for in metal bands. I don’t need you to screech or growl or melt my face with silly stringy guitar solos--just be heavy, and mostly make me look and feel tough when I listen to you.

Even if I’m just vaccuuming my place, if I have the windows down and some high school riff-raff spy me from the street level hardcore-vaccuuming to Godsmack, I don’t want them to giggle to themselves and throw rocks at my window, or laugh at me like I used to laugh at my friend’s “favorite Chicagoan” neighbor. (The one that used to ride his exercise bike indoors in full-on racer gear directly in front of the window for everyone to see--that guy wasn’t tough.) Listening to Godsmack’s new album makes you feel tough because they didn’t go down the same road that countless other soundalikes have. (See Q101′s playlist during the daytime. . .Seether, Breaking Benjamin, Sick Puppies, and on and on.)

OSWALD Godsmack are definitely tough, I’ll give them that. And after ten years of making fun of them for biting Alice In Chains so hard that Layne Staley felt it from his underground opium den (aka “grave“), I’m willing to give them even more than that: they’re actually fucking good. As I get older, the number one thing I look for in new music is variety and experimentation -- I want bands that are doing something new and unique, that are transporting me somewhere else with their sound. Godsmack don’t do any of that, though, and that’s why I’ve responded so strongly to The Oracle. After a long day of listening to bands that are trying to rape my ears with the new and the crazy, it’s actually kinda refreshing to pop open a crisp, cold Budweiser and hear a band that just cranks it up to 11 and settles into a hard-rockin’ groove. If Bob Lefsetz were to catch a Godsmack concert, he’d probably describe them as “smokin.’” And then he’d go back to his tiny apartment in Santa Monica and write a 1000-word diatribe about how they reminded him of when he used to go see Deep Purple at the Coliseum in 1974 and they’d blow his fucking face off with their stoned virtuosity.

The riffs on The Oracle just keep coming -- it’s like a freight train loaded with bareknuckle blooze guitar, headed straight for your tender cranium. The disc starts strong with “Cryin’ Like A Bitch,” a song that first reminds me of every time I ever cried like a bitch, and then forces me to drink my own salty tears at (metaphorical) fist-point. Every time I hear that song, I feel like somebody jammed a hypodermic needle filled with testosterone straight into my nuts. I actually strut for three or four days afterward, wobbling like my huge balls are throwing me off balance. And the rest of the CD has pretty much the same vibe, although it gets pretty dark at parts. And that’s when the band channels Alice In Chains the most, but I don’t hate it -- now that Jerry Cantrell has officially shit all over AIC’s legacy by getting the band back together with a new, utterly generic Staley soundalike, we need a new Alice In Chains. And Godsmack could show those guys how it’s REALLY done -- there’s no drugged-out self-loathing to be found here, just brick-hard cock-rock that swings with the grungy swagger of Led Zeppelin cutting their coke with Valium.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eXIOK2vOhM

The Oracle is a true marvel of craftsmanship, in my opinion -- none of these songs are catchy enough to become all-time favorites, but the disc overall is almost frighteningly consistent. I can listen to it from start to finish without paying attention and still get all the information I need to process and appreciate it. That’s kind of a back-handed compliment, but this is hard-rock, right? Everything should be communicated directly to my face like the backhand of Allah. If you do pay attention, there’s a notable lack of lyrical insight present, but the principle themes are communicated semi-powerfully by a witchy Massachusetts vibe that makes me feel like Nathaniel Hawthorne came back from the dead as a badass zombie and started writing songs about voodoo and whiskey. Obviously that can’t be a bad thing, right?

TIM If there’s one song that stands out on this album to me it’s probably the caboose track, “The Oracle.” It vaguely reminds me of the track we used to loop at a haunted house I worked at called Voodoo--you could play that song all night long and not get sick of it and still feel creepy as fuck following teenagers around in full facepaint and a scary costume. “The Oracle” differs in that, if you were racing your car around suburban midwestern towns, the only way you’d slow down would be if a rival high school’s quarterback cut you off in his piece-of-shit Ford Mustang.

Without the 2cc injection of testosterone sauce squirted right into your sack by the last two minutes of non-stop guitar riffs, you’d probably just mosey your way down the road to your girlfriend’s house (where you’d cry [like a bitch] to her about how much you hate jocks. Thankfully us skinny twerps have tough soundtracks that at least make us sound tough. No doubt half of the songs on The Oracle will be featured in this year’s Vin Diesel or Rob Zombie movie. Although, they’re hard to tell apart besides “The Oracle.” This is definitely one of those albums you can listen to from start to finish on shuffle, over and over again, without discerning between whether or not you have made it through the entire disc yet.

TAG-TEAM GRADE: A-

Don’t know where I first saw this at but it looks like Trent Reznor has been up to something. He’s posted a video, and an image on the site HowToDestroyAnAngel.com. Site comes with a full list of sharing links:

More How To Destroy Angels

• How To Destroy Angels Twitter
• How To Destroy Angels Facebook
• How To Destroy Angels MySpace
• How To Destroy Angels YouTube
• How To Destroy Angels Vimeo

01 from How To Destroy Angels on Vimeo.

One of the staples of the Chicago rock scene the past 25 years has been Jerry Bryant’s JBTV and this past week they featured one of my favorite bands, The Swellers (from Flint, MI) on the show. @kirkland_sarah tweeted it out and I’m posted in. That’s how this party’s starting.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMxPbxsluNk

More from The Swellers

• The Swellers Myspace
• The Swellers Twitter
• Nick Diener’s Twitter
• The Swellers on iTunes

“Free is the new black” as one of my favorite authors Martin Atkins says, and the best way to prove to your everyday casual music fan that your band’s music is something they could get into is to give it away for free! Assault.it has tirelessly scoured the web the past three months to find what we consider to be some of the best signed, and unsigned bands offering up their music for free to their fans, and soon-to-be-fans. Download as you see fit, and if you like what you hear, go to a show, buy a t-shirt, buy an album, or at the very least tell a friend!

1. Direct Hit!

FUCK YOU! GET PUMPED! To call these guys the Andrew WK of punk rock would be somewhat of an insult, but in the interest of appealing to everyman 1.0 that’s what these guys are. Hardcore power punk at its finest, and the best live show I’ve ever witnessed. You can check out our full review of their latest EP #4 here if you want to see why we think this band is your favorite new band.

Get Pumped! Direct Hit! MySpace | BandCamp (The free shit is here)

2. Makeshift Prodigy -- Mathematica

Makeshift Prodigy is giving away a single off their freshly-released album Mathematica! According to Third World Timmy this band is one of the best new bands in the city of Chicago, and is his pick to click to break out in the next year or two. Check out our review of Mathematica, as well as our live CD release show review, and interview with the guys.

Official Website | Download “Mathematica”

3. Empires

Select singles and entire albums from their MySpace for one of the most well known bands in Chicago with former members of The Academy Is… except these guys are way more awesomer.

Official Website | MySpace

4. The Delivery Boys

One of Chicago’s hidden secrets on the pop punk scene. You can check out our thoughts on the Chicago power-punkers here, or better yet, you can download their songs on their PureVolume page.

MySpace | PureVolume

5. Trippy Wicked

“[An] epic musical journey of songs about living the good life, fire, growing beards, girls, aliens, loneliness, love, and pirates.” That basically sums up the awesomeness of this UK import. You can download their album for free on their band camp.

Official Website | bandcamp

6. Carousel Kings

The Carousel Kings EP, Here Comes Trouble makes me feel like I’m driving 90 MPH on I-90 in towards Rockford, IL listening to Saves the Day at full blast in my ’93 Pontiac Bonneville. Fast-paced punk rock that you’re mildly embarrassed to sing along to.

MySpace | PureVolume (Free download here)

7. La Dispute

The first I’d heard of La Dispute was when I found out from R. Kelly (Ryan Kelly that is) that they’re on the same label as The Wonder Years, No Sleep Records. I was amazed to find a range of sound that starts at spoken word over what reminds me of Explosions in the Sky, and goes all the way to a highly polished screamo sound--which I’m a huge fan of.

MySpace | Thank You for Your Patience Free Downloads

8. Light In May

Metalcore from Conneticut that sound something like Poison The Well, one of Third World Timmy’s old school favorites.

MySpace | Merch Store |  PureVoume Free Downloads

9. The Decay

Canadian punk rock--not the Sum41 style punk rock though. If Dillinger Four had a Canadian love child, it’d be The Decay.

MySpace | This Month’s Rent Full Album Download

10. Mansions

The Get Up Kids meets Ryan Adams meets Dinosaur Jr. Words from their own MySpace.

MySpace | Merch Store | | Doghouse Records | Get OMG for just one tweet!

11. Anchor Eighty Four Compilation

Sign up for the mailing list and you get the full album. The album includes a song from a band we interviewed a few weeks ago, Newamerica. (Formerly The Discover Radio)

Sign up to get a full compilation album

12. Thrice -- Day Trotter Live Session

At one point Thrice was Third World Timmy’s band, but they’ve transitioned into more of an experience, than a rock and roll band. Still, they’re giving away a free album that you should get.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY1SwqLOC3c

Official Website | Download Full Live Session

13. Wipe Out Marshall

I can’t tell you much about this band because their “About Us” on their MySpace may as well have been written in alien, but the album is full of punk rock block, and totally worth checking out. EP: You Light This Match, We’ll Burn This City

MySpace | Download Free EP

14. Man the Change live in Brooklyn EP

New York based DIY punk rock band heavily influenced by one of “Third World” Timmy’s favorite punk rock groups, Hot Water Music.

MySpace | Download EP

15. Deadly Animals EP

Heavy metal is “Third World” Timmy’s favorite genre of music, and he’ll be the first to tell you that most of the unsigned groups offering up free music in said genre kinda suck--Deadly Animals on the other hand, do not suck. Gritty hard rock for fans of Static-X, Pantera, and Fear Factory.

MySpace | Download Demo EP

16. The Friday Night Boys

One of the newest signings to Fueled By Ramen, and we can understand why. One tweet gets you a free download of one of their new songs.

MySpace | Tweet to download

17. Apocalipstick

All girl  thrasher punk rock group from Irvine, CA. They’ll steal your heart then break it.

MySpace | Sign up for mail list to download

18. SHARKS -- Shallow Waters EP

British garage rock that sounds a bit like early The Strokes albums. PunkNews gave it 4.5/5

MySpace | EP Download

19. Campaign -- It Likes To Party EP

It’s no secret that we at Assault.it’s staff and crew like to party. This album therefore caught our attention and we believe it couldn’t be more appropriately titled. You can also get their previous EP for free in the same placed--the appropriately titled H1N1. For those of you fans of old Hot Water Music, you’re going to want to get both these albums.

MySpace | It Likes To Party EP Download | H1N1 Free Album Download

20. Dan Wythoff -- The Sunscreen EP

Great solo act that has the same amount of talent as a John Mayer and you won’t feel like a douche enabler by listening to it.

MySpace | Sign up for the newsletter for the Sunscreen EP

21. Cypress Hill -- It Ain’t Nothin’

With a new album on the way Cypress Hill has released one of their songs for free! Check it out and keep an eye out for their new album which we’ll be reviewing here on Assault.it.

Official Website | Download It Ain’t Nothin’ MP3

22-28. ReverbNation Playlist 7 (Click on Audio Library)

Every week ReverbNation posts 7 songs from different artists that are all available as a free download. The program has ended, but they still have a huge Audio Library you can get plenty of quality free music from.

More from ReverbNation | Download Playlist7 (Click on Audio Library)

29. Ship Wrecks

Acoustic rock that sounds like a more catchy version of The Swell Season (From Academy Award winning movie Once) and a little bit of Bright Eyes.

Official Website | Ship Wrecks bandcamp

30. Kismet -- Hiatus

Utrecht based indie-rock at it’s finest. Sort of sounds like a lighter version of Thursday.

Official Website | Kismet bandcamp

31. A Common Year -- Between Cities full length album

If you’ve seen Jimmy Eat World live and wish there were more bands like it it--look no more. A Common Year is a for fans of Brand New, Jimmy Eat World, Thrice, Northstar. Anberlin.

MySpace | A Common Year bandcamp

32. The Day Woke to Me Driving To You’s -- Rain, Rain, Rain EP

Sounds like Explosions in the Sky, Postal Service. Despite their complicated name, the music is quite soothing and nice.

MySpace | PureVolume | Download EP

33. He Is We -- Light A Way

Acoustic band that sounds like Paramore, VersaEmerge, Sarah Berielles. Included on the Top 20 Unsigned Bands of 2009 by PureVolume.

MySpace | PureVolume | Merch Store

34. Conditions -- Illuminati

I’ve been a fan of Conditions for awhile now. (Since I heard about them from ShredNews) For fans of anyone who likes The Ready Set, All Time Low, Set Your Goals, The Swellers. They’re offering the song “Illuminati” on their PureVolume for free.

MySpace | PureVolume Song Download

35. I Rival -- Make Me Scream

Sounds like Keeping Secrets, Our Last Night, The Word Alive, Set Your Goals, Conditions, The Used.

MySpace | Merch Store | PureVolume Song Download

36. The Bay State -- Liars

Talented female lead rock band that sounds a bit like Paramore/VersaEmerge, Be Your Own Pet.

MySpace | PureVolume Song Download

37. Picture Me Broken -- Dearest (I’m So Sorry)

Girl fronted rock band that resembles Lacuna Coil, Evanescence, Flyleaf, Arch Enemy. They made it on PureVolume’s top 20 unsigned of 2009, and deserve all the attention they get.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiEVPpCAD7Y

MySpace | PureVolume Song Download

38. Every You -- A Change of Scene

If you like The Swellers (Like we do) then you’ll love these guys--same goes for Strike Anywhere, Broadway, and any other seasoned punk rock group.

MySpace | Merch Store | PureVolume Song Download

39. My Arcadia -Lulea (City by the Sea)

Hard to classify who My Arcadia sounds like, but I would say it’s a mixture of Flyleaf, Hey Monday, Amy Lee, and the punk rock influence of one of our favorites Hayley Williams.

MySpace | Merch Store | PureVolume Song Download

40. Tonight Alive -- Wasting Away

I’ve said it 3-4 times now, but Tonight Alive sounds very much like Picture Me Broken, My Arcadia, Paramore, Flyleaf, and VersaEmerge. I can’t get enough girl-fronted rock band. Very high energy band that most bros would feel comfortable with playing loudly in their cars.

MySpace | PureVolume Song Download

41. Silversun Pickups -- Lazy Eye (Acoustic version)

Grammy nominated indie rockers the Silversun Pickups put up an acoustic version of their song, “Lazy Eye.” All you have to do is sign up for their mailing list!

Official Website | Sign up for newsletter for free song

42. Girl On Fire -- Summer Sampler EP

For fans of Alexisonfire, Taking Back Sunday, The Used, except more fast-paced, with more face-melting guitar riffs. It will make you feel like a man.

MySpace | Summer Sampler EP Download

43. Midwest Hype

I’ve never heard a jazz funk band before, but Midwest Hype is working their way into a genre that they’re dominating all their own. This entire album is on “Third World” Timmy’s island vacation mix that goes with him on all his tropical island getaways.

MySpace | ReverbNation | 3 songs: Sunrise Will End My Night Tonight, Big Poppa (cover), Runaway

44. A Hero Named Hope

One of the rising stars of the Chicago rock scene and one of the few bands that still resist the pop-punk trend and continue to play a heavier, more hardcore style of punk rock. Another live show worth seeing as they get better and better every show they do.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=n52Ew_XU5Po

MySpace | 2 Songs off their debut EP

45-46. Abel & Lorien -- Tour EP

If you like Brand New, you will literally shit your pants for Abel. Lorien is a bit more like Anberlin, Deas Vail, Academy Is…, Copeland according to LFM

Abel MySpace | Lorien MySpace | Tour EP Download

47. Alkaline Trio

It’s no secret that Alkaline Trio is one of Assault’s favorites. They recently gave away two songs off their new album, This Addiction which you should get cause it is awesome.

Official Website | Free Song Download

48. Bullet For My Valentine -- Begging For Mercy

One of the best metal acts around is giving away one of their songs off their new album for free. “Third World’ Timmy will be one of the first in line to pick up this new album in which he’ll no doubt declare it the best thing ever since Avenged Sevenfold.

Merch Store | Download “Begging For Mercy”

49. I Fight Dragons

Sign up for their mailing list, and get a link to an EP mixture of live music and awesome songs made from old school Nintendo sound effects. If that doesn’t tickle your pickle then you should just quit here at #1. They just signed to Atlantic Records and are now touring with the Too Fast For Love Tour w/3OH!3, Cobra Starship, Travis McCoy

MySpace | Official Website (Sign up for the newsletter to get the free EP!)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd3GP57YUjw

50. Pet Lions

Indie pop rock from Chicago--sign up for their newsletter for their Soft Right EP!

MySpace | Download Soft Right EP

Sources:

Follow Legal Free Music on Tumblr
Top 20 Unsigned Bands of 2009 by PureVolume
ReverbNation

It’s been a few days since our last video post, and Cory Tendering has gone quiet in his boundless complaints of repetition of our editorial choices. In short, it’s time for another cool video, and because Cory does not know how to work wordpress, or upload video, or anything, I have decided that I would post another video from one of my favorite local Chicago acts, Makeshift Prodigy.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AKKxLPCd3A

Makeshift Prodigy

• Listen to the new album stream for free!
• MySpace
• Official Website
• Facebook
• Interview with “Third World” Timmy