Assault was started in February of 2008 when Craig Kaplowitz and Tim Toomey decided they had been working for The Man just too damn long and it was time to be their own bosses. The only way they knew how to do it was to take randomly funny semi-offensive slogans and to slap them onto the cheapest shirts that vietnamese labor can buy.

Just kidding. Actually, all of our shirts are made in the good old US of A by a great company called American Apparel. I’m sure you’ve heard of them.

Assault.it was started initially to supplement our online store documenting our day to day activities, but has since surpassed our store to become a full fledged, online resource for bands, designers, and clothing enthusiasts.

Tim Toomey and Craig Kaplowitz

Currently, I (Tim) live in Chicago (getting nose picked) and I am responsible for the artistic and propaganda side of the company, while Craig (nose picker) is responsible for getting the scamming and business side of things. You may also notice that I have strategically cropped everyone else out of our photos. If you’d like to see the rest of our ridiculous photos you’ll have to add us as your friend on MySpace. Craig is currently residing in Ft. Wayne, Indiana. Sorry ladies, but Craig is currently married to Saw-Shan. If you’d like to see the pictures from the wedding, including “Third World Timmy” (getting nose picked) performing the ceremony check out the picture gallery at the blog.

I went to school at the Savannah College of Art and Design where I received a BFA in Film And Television, Craig went to Northwood in Texas and studied business. Not exactly sure as to the specifics of what he did, but I bet he did a real good job. The blog has a fairly detailed history of how this entire business came to life all the way from us getting our assumed name certicate and bank account out here in Cook County Chicago, IL. It’s a much better dear-diary approach for how this site came to be and what is currently going on with us in our daily lives.

Candice Ciesla

Hey guys, designer “chick” Candice Ciesla here. I was invited into the Assault family by my dearest friend Timmy to help them with the creative aspects of t-shirt design. I basically pulled the chainsaw bunny design out of my butt at the last minute for our print deadline, not expecting at all that it would be our biggest seller.

I love drawing cartoons, particularly humorous or deranged cute-sie animals. I currently work at an independent animation studio in Atlanta as lead concept artist. I basically draw cartoons all day long; it’s like the dream job of every five year old kindergartener, and I love it. I went to school with Timmy at the Savannah College of Art and design where I received my BFA in Film and Digital Media. Check out more of my stuff and my animation of snails trying to fly kites at candiceciesla.com. If you have ideas that you’d like to see designed and printed on shirts, email us and we’ll see what we can do.

John Staniforth

Greetings, my name is Stani (pronounced like “Stanley” without the “l”, i.e. stah-nee), I graduated from Savannah College of Art and Design (along with Tim and Candice) with a BFA in Sequential Art, which is basically a fancy way of saying comic books, embarrassingly dorky I know, just drop it.

After I graduated I moved to Amsterdam where I lived and worked for three years at a video game developer as a conceptual designer, texture artist and line producer. My favorite colors are all on the darker half of the grey scale. My favorite bands include the Black Keys, the White Stripes, Kings of Leon and last but not least the all-mighty Led Zeppelin. I currently live in the capital of the Dirty South, ATL, where I was born and raised. In the words of Andrew Jackson, “I was born for a storm, calm does not suit me.” If you’d like to see some of my work you can visit my site Stani Design. Ramble on friends, ramble on

Dennis Burnett and Dane Sponberg

The product photography on this website was done by Dennis Burnett and Dane Sponberg. (I’m sure they’ll be happy to know I opted not to put in the picture of the three of us in Togas, and instead opted for this more suitable photo) They do some amazing work and have a broad range of experience from product photography,to advertisements, high fashion, concert photos, sporting events. Check out their websites and email us, or them if you need some photography work done.

SFW Pictures of the Assault Family