Music Video Hell #6: Sittin’ On The Toilet

Now that MTV has about as much to do with music as KFC has to do with Kentucky, the Internet has become our primary source for music videos. With the Internet, though, there is no filter. It’s hard to separate the wheat from the chaff. Well here, toilet dwellers, is the chaff. It’s your penance for a lifetime of sins: Music Video Hell.

The best/worst thing about the Internet is that anyone can become a celebrity, whether he or she wants to or not. For instance: the lady in this video, who shot thoroughly compelling video of herself sitting on the toilet and singing about it. Apparently her “friend & sis” then took it upon herself to post it to YouTube as revenge for some MySpace shenanigans that occurred two years prior. Hell hath no fury like a MySpace friend scorned. It’s a good thing no one’s actually on MySpace anymore, except for a handful of musicians and the lesser musicians who comment on their pages, “YO! YUO SHUOLD CHECK OUT MY TRACKZ BECUZ THEIR THA BOMB!”

But back to the matter at hand: sittin’ on tha toilet. This video is minimalism at its best. One woman, one camera, one toilet, and four words repeated ad infinitum. This woman, whose name is apparently Nonnie according to the video’s description, is a master of the hook. She may only be singing four words a capella, accompanied by nothing but a few verbal tics and the bobbing and weaving of her own head, but she makes those four words count. If this video doesn’t leave you singing “sittin’ on the toilet” to yourself over and over again until you are forced to saw off your own head just to end the pain, you are a much stronger person than I.

Oh, did I mention that this video has had over 7,700,000 views to date? French philosopher and mathematician Blaise Pascal is perhaps best known for what has become known as “Pascal’s Wager,” an argument for believing in God that goes something like this: You might as well believe in God, because if you don’t and it turns out you’re wrong, you’ve effectively doomed yourself to an eternity of eating Satan’s asshole every night for dinner. As a rebuttal to this argument, I would like to say: “Over 7,700,000 views, you son of a bitch. Where’s your God now?”

The original video has had embedding disabled, so what you will find below is some sort of bizarre, headache-inducing remix. There are more remixes out there where that came from, too, because on the Internet everything is remixed. You really owe it to yourself to watch the original first, though. The others lack its purity and singularity of purpose. Now flush.

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About the Author

Jeremy Clymer lives in Michigan with his wife and kid. He shoots his writings out into the ethers of the Internet in the hopes that someone will pick up on his transmissions and shower him with money and/or praise.

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One comment “awaiting immediate, obnoxious rebuttal”

1. McGoo says:

   July 10, 2010 at 5:53 am

   Oh the humanity!