Music Video Hell #4: Memphis Blac & Smokahontas Jones
Now that MTV has about as much to do with music as KFC has to do with Kentucky, the Internet has become our primary source for music videos. With the Internet, though, there is no filter. It’s hard to separate the wheat from the chaff. Well here, pimps and ho’s, is the chaff. It’s your penance for a lifetime of sins: Music Video Hell.
Warning: You’re going to want to be up to date on all your vaccinations before you view this week’s video. It’s a delightful, low-budget affair by Memphis Blac, a rapper by day and a hooker with a heart of gold by night. The video for Jones’ “Got Dat Work” could easily be confused for a skit from Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! with its VHS tape video quality, jarring quick cuts and Buñuellian surrealism. This video isn’t a joke, though. Memphis Blac and her fellow prostitute-slash-rapper Smokahontas Jones are serious about giving cheap handjobs to strangers.
These two women are truly Amazonian. They are the sort of women Robert Crumb would desperately want to get a piggy back ride from if he came across them on the street. And really, the street would be the best place to look for them because they have sex for money. In case that part of the equation was in any doubt, they bust lyrics like, “You need at least three g’s to play with these DDDs” and “He liked domination, yeah that’s what’s up. He paid me five g’s, I beat that muthafucka up.” At least if you ever decide to hire one of them you can consult this video for their price structure.
Oh, and then there are sparkles for some reason. They’re all over the place. It must have been the demo filter that came with whatever shareware video editing program they used to put this monstrosity together. Either that or Memphis and Smokahontas are two bootylicious vampires. That would actually make for a very interesting Twilight sequel.
Hitting up Memphis Blac’s MySpace page—and really, is it any surprise she has a MySpace page?—I learned that she has been the “underground queen of the south for 10 plus years” and she has “recorded with many of the greats in rap, Pimp C, Odd Squad, Mudducks, Hot Girlz, and many more.” Here I thought I knew a thing or two about rap, yet I’ve never heard of a single one of these people. Obviously, I need to buckle down and start listening to some more music.
I have to give credit where credit is due on finding this video. The very funny Patton Oswalt posted it to Facebook with the comment, “Oh look, gonorrhea made a video.” That’s about as good a one sentence summary of it as you’ll find. Hit up the video below. It’s an STD for your eyes and your soul.
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About the Author
Jeremy Clymer lives in Michigan with his wife and kid. He shoots his writings out into the ethers of the Internet in the hopes that someone will pick up on his transmissions and shower him with money and/or praise.Email this Author | All posts by Jeremy Clymer
More like Music Video Heaven. “He want to fuck me now, but I need my money first” – I think that sums it up.
I always pictured Heaven being sparkly and shiny, but I didn’t picture it being full of morbidly obese prostitutes. Shows what I know about theology.
Hey, only ONE of them is morbidly obese! And they’re both damn fine anyway.
Lawd a mercy! -So at least I now know that sparkly boobs would not have helped me professionally… I guess.