Assault The Weekend! (5/28/10)

May 28th, 2010 by Oswald Hobbes / Comment on this post

It’s that time of the week again -- the end, when you kick back with some cheap beers and get blasted with rock sauce. Where are the cheapest beers? Who’s shooting the most potent sauce? Relax, Assault The Weekend! is here with your “scoop.” Enjoy:

FRIDAY

No question what’s going down tonight -- it’s Welcome To Ashley at darkroom, decimating your face. Don’t like to have your face decimated? Stay away! (Or, better yet, drink enough $3 312s that your extremities go numb. Always works for us!) WTA just released the best rock record of the year, Beyond The Pale, and I’m sure they’ll be cranking out a solid chunk of it at the show tonight. Really cannot overstate how awesome this band is, and just how much you’re going to enjoy Beyond The Pale when you crank up the hi-fi and let it take up residence in your brain. (You might have to actually drop some dead weight up there, as this stuff will take up the frontal-lobe equivalent of a city block - lose the Bieber b-sides and dirty thoughts about Hayley Williams.) The show starts at 9pm, Ladies & Gentlemen are opening, and I have no idea what the cover is. DOESN’T MATTER. (And go listen to the new Welcome To Ashley now at their Bandcamp profile so you can sing along tonight.)

SATURDAY

Feel like getting a little funky? No prob, dude: the legendary indie-rock kingpin Bob Mould (along with Richard Morel) is bringing Blowoff to Metro’s SmartBar on Saturday. What will this entail? In Mould’s own words: a “music-centric gay dance party drawing mainly, but not exclusively, men in their 30s and 40s.” (I copped that quote from the Chicago Reader; I have no idea where they got it from.) I’m a heterosexual dude firmly in my mid-twenties, but damn if that doesn’t sound like a party to me! Apparently (and this is ALSO from the Reader) the dudes are in town for “Bear Pride and International Mr. Leather,” and I’d love to provide links for that but I don’t want to lose my job googling “bear pride.” Honestly, though, this sounds like an amazing time. I’d check it out for sure. It starts at 11pm and it’ll cost you $16, plus however much you spend on appletinis.

MONDAY

Here’s a Monday bonus jam since nothing ever happens on Sunday: Broken Bells at the Vic with Morning Benders. We gave complimentary notices for 2010 releases from both of these bands, and we would definitely get our Assault Party Death Squad gear out of the basement and totally blow this fucker up if it wasn’t sold out (and we weren’t flat broke from spending all our money at garage sales, hunting down ultra-rare import Boston 7″s from Japan). But wait: if it’s sold out, why am I even telling you about it on the internet? Because surely you can find a way to get tickets, and I totally recommend that you give it the old college try. Broken Bells may suffer from melodic over-familiarity at times, but how many times are you gonna get the chance to see Jimmy Mercer and Danger Mouse working their awkward psychedelic mojo together live? (Also: Morning Benders are definitely tits -- anybody who gets lonely between Grizzly Bear records will surely find something to love in their magical stew.) The show starts at 7:30pm, and tickets are however much you can find them for. Godspeed!