7 Reasons Why I’d Like To Party With Ke$ha
It’s no secret that we hear at Assault.it like to think that we can party. Now, we’re no rock stars, so there’s no need to shit on my sandwich–but if given the opportunity we’d like to think we’re up to the challenge to go toe to toe with the best. It’s with this sentiment (or challenge) that I’ve decided to dedicate a monthly or so post to the people out there who do party, and that I would like to one day party with. (Full details and video to come.) First up on the list of people I’d like to party with: Ke$ha.
1. Rainbows, unicorns, animated wolves?
The wolves and rainbow lines are animated on her website. Which is totally Jawesome. (Jaws + awesome=Jawesome, you get it.)
Ke$ha’s website is almost unbearable–but secretly, if I had a personal website I’d want it to be something like keshasparty.com. (She even has party in her website address. thirdworldtimmyparty.com just doesn’t have the same ring.) The site’s primary centerpiece? Tweets, party pics, and totally party videos.
2. She’s smarter than you… and me
I know, at first glance seeing this on a Wikipedia page made me feel like it was a joke, but the citation of that particular sentence pointed me to an NPR article saying that Ke$ha indeed did have nearly perfect SAT scores. My SAT scores were not so perfect which explains why I went to art college.
3. She brushes her teeth with Jack Daniels
From the same NPR article Ke$ha claims to brush her teeth with jack Daniels. While that may or may not be true, it is a known fact that I eat my Golden Grahams every morning with Maker’s Mark Kentucky Bourbon Whiskey. The honey is a much better mixture than dirty teeth goobers.
4. She vomited in Paris Hilton’s closet
During a stint as a backup singer on one of Paris Hilton’s songs, she vomited in her closet–an honest mistake. (Opportunity?) The party can go on if the vomit is safely contained within the closet, a place I myself wouldn’t hesitate to eject into. She almost made the rookie mistake of thinking it was a bathroom–and it’s against party ethics 101 to vomit in the bath tub–luckily, it was a closet. Party on.
5. Like Skynet, Ke$ha is self-aware
After being heavily criticized by many music publications, Ke$ha seems to understand what it’s all about. (And has the record sales to prove it.) A mostly direct quote:
“You can’t take for granted that this is pop music,” she says. “It’s not rocket science, it’s not brain surgery, and I’m gonna stand by the fact that I’m proud of this record. I’m not a moron, so there.”
No one wants to party with a douche Queen who thinks she’s penning the next Dancing Queen single from Abba when she’s really writing the same bullshit that Britney Spears and Nickelback put out every two years. She knows the score.
6. This picture
The only thing I love more than partying is America. WIN
7. She peed in a sink at the British Q Awards
Ke$ha claims that she doesn’t get embarrassed–and this basically proves it. With paparazzi all over the place, at an awards ceremony, she peed in a sink. If this were Halo, she’d be on Fucking Legendary mode. And again, with another doozie of a quote to boot:
To me it’s not like I’m hurting anybody. It’s just pee.
Fucking ZING! In closing, I’d like to take an opportunity to tell Ke$ha if she’s reading this that if she’s ever in the Chicago area that I will throw one hell of a rager at Assault HQ, and that you are invited as the guest of honor. Email me.
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About the Author
Tim is the co-owner of Assault, and tends to think he can party twice as hard as anyone. Follow him on twitter @assaultEmail this Author | All posts by tim
I would’ve also included the interview she did with herself for Rolling Stone’s website. That shit was tre hilarious, brah. But I definitely second your pro-Ke$ha, pro-party position.
We can only hope that she reads this post.