10 Songs Scientifically Proven To Improve Your Mood
I know it’s hard to believe, but sometimes even super-talented and well-compensated bloggers like Oswald Hobbes get the blues. I was down in the dumps the other day and Third World Timmy suggested I write up a list of guaranteed mood-boosters. These songs are wiener-tinglers; they are what hipsters actually mean when they use the word “banger” while pretending to discuss old Dr. Dre records. If you have questions about my “scientific” method, punch yourself in the forehead -- I’m a fucking scientist. Who are you?
10. The Flaming Lips -- “Race For The Prize“
Figured I’d start this list with a song that’s actually about scientists. “Race For The Prize” kicks off The Soft Bulletin, the record that found the Lips turning the corner from weirdo, borderline-nihilistic psychedelia to wonderfully earnest optimism bombs. That description makes me sound retarded, which is how you’ll feel when you listen to this song (provided your definition of “retarded” entails unbridled joy and hope).
9. Pixies -- “Dig For Fire“
This song is ostensibly about two (apparently unrelated) old people; one kneels inside of a hole, the other never sleeps. Black Francis asks each if they are “looking for the mother lode.” But they are both digging for fire. This sounds nonsensical and kind of stupid, but the dulcet melody and typically punchy instrumentation provide all the reason you could possibly require.
8. Iron Maiden -- “The Number Of The Beast“
Were you aware that sometimes ridiculously goofy metal songs are inspired by the second installment of the Omen franchise? “The Number Of The Beast” is proof. It boasts the kind of title that makes twelve year-olds think Iron Maiden is a legitimately frightening band and the (ahem) ridiculous goofiness that forever disabuses them of that notion once they get old enough to purchase one of the band’s albums.
7. Kanye West (feat. Cam’Ron and Consequence) -- “Gone“
A remnant from Mr. West’s glory days. Remember when he specialized in good-time jams with rich and subtle undertones of melancholy instead of just expressing his misery through Auto-Tune and outdated drum machines? You should, because it was only a couple years ago. And it was great. ‘Ye gives himself two (!) excellent verses, the second even better than the first because it name-drops Jennifer Aniston and Anakin Skywalker. Cam’Ron talks his trademark surreal shit, the stuff that makes you think maybe his rhyme books got dropped from a passing spaceship, and Consequence almost steals the entire song with a truly astonishing verse that keeps cycling back to the titular word without sounding forced or desperate at any time. And because West-in-his-prime never settled for “merely excellent” when he could easily blow great gobs of mind-mass straight out the back of your skull, the song integrates some lush strings from Jon Brion (!!) when the beat briefly drops out.
6. Spoon -- “I Turn My Camera On“
A lot of people want to be Prince; Britt Daniels (a lanky white dude who resides in Oregon and fronts one of the coolest nerd-bands ever) actually succeeds on this funky vamp. He becomes Prince for the song’s duration; the scene in the studio reportedly resembled An American Werewolf In London‘s notorious “transformation” scene. Probably took an entire team of janitors to clean up the mess, but it’ll only take one listen for this righteous jam to transform you into a Spoon fan forever. It also might make you feel like a private eye lurking in shadows, but that’s probably just me.
5. The Beach Boys -- “In My Room“
As someone who spends a lot of time staring at the same four walls, this is my favorite type of song: an introvert’s rejection of the outside world. Most normal people will probably find it sad, but normal people shouldn’t be looking at this website. This is the quintessential Beach Boys track, and quite possibly emo’s real starting point.
4. Metallica -- “Ain’t My Bitch“
Yes, I know -- Load is a lame, sloppy pile of shit. It’s Metallica’s second worst record, and you probably haven’t listened to it on purpose since 1997. Whatever. “Ain’t My Bitch” is one of the rare times when the band’s latter-day Frankensteining of crunchy alt-metal and classic Southern boogie really works, and it’s the perfect “fuck off” to any simpering turd-burglars raining on your hard-charging boner parade. Also, the solo kills -- whatever you think of Metallica’s weird, kinda sad second act, Kirk Hammett remains a god to anybody who ever wanted to absolutely murder six strings.
3. The Strokes -- “Last Nite“
Some people will argue that the Strokes ripped this song’s main riff directly from Tom Petty’s “American Girl,” and they are absolutely correct -- it is a blatant theft. But those people are also missing the point of the song, which is this: people don’t understand. This is what we call a “perfect circle” when we are trying to sound smart. (What we really mean is that “Last Nite” curb-stomps “American Girl” because the Strokes are sexy and vicious, and Tom Petty is kind of a douche.)
2. The Roots -- “Don’t Feel Right“
I normally hate the Roots, mostly because I am supposed to like them if I want to seem enlightened. The majority of their discography puts me to sleep with its snoozetastic “organic” approach to hip-hop. But “Don’t Feel Right” is my go-to jam when things just don’t feel right. Black Thought is perturbed by racism, the government, and poverty; my typical downers include going to work, getting bad tomatoes from the grocery store, and lack of quality weed (due to poverty). Nevertheless, I feel we share the same metaphorical boat for the four glorious minutes that “Don’t Feel Right” lasts; the beat, as usual, is all.
1. Led Zeppelin -- “D’yer Maker“
Pasty white British guys do reggae. It doesn’t necessarily work, but it still works. And it makes you feel like a million bucks whenever you hear it.
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I am the Beast, and the Beastmaster. Send me a letter
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I wish Eve6 – Anytime was on here.
Everytime I hear that song it makes me want to pound 10 beers and try to snowboard.
I wish I listened to jerkoff music so I would know that song.
You do listen to jerkoff music.
Destiny’s Child is jerkoff music.
Who would digg this story anyway, it sucks. People will digg anything with a “10+ ____ that will ____” in it these days. The internet is going to self-implode into one giant list of lists one day. Fucking black hole is going to open up and suck the whole damn thing right back into Al Gore’s asshole where it was invented from.
If the above comment doesn’t get me at least one twitter follower I quit the internet.
Dude, it’s no longer uncool to dig Beyonce. I was ahead of my fucking time.
To people who thought u2 would be on here – sorry, but we didn’t submit this to Digg so we can’t really be blamed for that image. Sorry to disappoint you that the single most overexposed band in the entire history of recorded music didn’t make our list.